Evil Dead (2013)

EVIL DEAD

(Horror, Remake 2013) (18) D/W : Fede Alvarex W : Rodo Say Agues S : Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez. 1h 31m. USA.

Five friends head into a remote cabin, where the discovery of a book of the dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods. The evil presence possesses them until only one is left to fight for survival.

TAGLINE : The most terrifying film you will ever experience.

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For fuck sake… I don’t really want to talk about this movie. Everything about this is so very dull and shit. The cast seems to have been downgraded to teens which is a common fuck up with modern remakes. The comedy has gone, the effects are “real” it’s now a possession/infection film and none of the movie flows. It’s all pretty random up until the last 10 minutes.

The first half of the movie seems to be random reboots of other horror movies, can you spot Sadako from Ringu (1998) The little scary Alessa from Silent Hill (2006), blood coughing from 28 Days Later (2002) and Drag me to Hell (2009) etc etc etc I know Afede Alvarez hasn’t made a lotta movies but come up with one original thing before you ruin a classic please! I think I’d rather watch an art house remake of this, something frame for frame! Pointless but it was funny to see it happen for Psycho (1960) / (1998).

I was forever checking the time to see when this film might end, ended up making a sandwich too. At least they didn’t make it a 3 hour epic.

BLOOD, CONTACTS, CRYING, EMO BULLSHIT, SADAKO, STRANGE VOICES, BLOOD, CRYING, BLOOD CRYING.. the end!

Another thing that pissed me off, is that there is no clear hero, where is Ash!?!? We need Ash, this movie needs ASH! We had a tag team of the two lovers, one being demonic the other being the hero. I got all excited when the useless boyfriend went into the shed and started to rig up a device but what he came up with was no boom stick. When the retarded drug wench ripped her arm off, she didn’t attach the chain saw.. Why the fuck not?

Fuck it, I’m done, this movie sucks and blows.

Q: “Everything’s’ gonna be fine? Nothing’s fine, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but… everything’s been getting worse every second

Sounds like they are talking about the movie! WELL DONE!

BS : The end credits.

1/10

01

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