Random Gubbins

 

You’ll find scenes like this all over my haus..

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Faust

Just a lame update but I’m so psyched about this..

My copy of Faust (1926) had finally arrived (this was about a week ago)!! My old video copy has worn right though and I’m super pleased that it came in a purple box (very sexy.. ).I managed to find this gem from one of my all time favourite sellers, Video Heaven (Ipswich) check out the ebay shop for more bargains. http://myworld.ebay.co.uk/videoheaven.ipswich/

Anyway this will help me complete my 20 for 1920’s post coming up soon.

The Cloth (2013)

THE CLOTH

(Horror, Supernatural, Thriller, 2013) (15C: Danny Trejo, Eric Roberts, Rachele Brooke Smith. 1 h 28 min. USA

A godless man is recruited by a secret organization who works to combat demonic possessions in order to prepare a new generation in the battle against evil forces

TAGLINE : The battle for your soul, has begun!

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Oh dear lawd, what an awful movie. The first thing you realise is the crazy lame monologue dialogue, no one has any emotion, the pauses are really long and it’s like a school play.. Actually I’d prefer to watch a school play because the little kiddies usually put some effort it. What else.. oh yes this is a blatant rip off on Constantine (2005) but the star is actually more wooden than Keanu (I never thought I’d ever say that), he gets some cool pokemon style demon fighting gadgets from a low budget M and a cool coat that totally helps him blend in with any crowd.

 cloth

I think the basics of this movie is some unsuspecting youngster realises that he’s the ONLY HOPE FOR MANKIND!!! And he doesn’t want the responsibility, then due to his bloodline only he can use special weapons to fight demons (who are really people who have eaten a lot of blackjacks… black mouthed mofos) and some schit happens, this douchbag also dumps his gf while brushing his teeth.. *brush brush* I dunno how to say this but I don’t think this is working out  *brush – SPIT* I’m amazed he didn’t just drop his kacks and take a pinch a loaf too.

Yeah..anyways…

2/10

02

Altered (2006)

Altered

(Horror, Sci Fi, Comedy,  2006) (18) D: Eduardo Sánchez W: C: Adam Kaufman, Catherine Mangan, Brad William Henke 1h 28m. USA

TAGLINE : They will find you…

Fifteen years ago, a group of men’s lives were forever changed by a strange occurrence. Now, the same group of men will spend a night together … in terror.

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I went into this one totally blind, a friend, The Gavster recommended it, I’m not quite sure why, heck I can’t remember how it got mentioned but I have to admit that it’s not a movie I would have normally picked up in the Rental Shop. I would have guessed it was a movie about Red Neck mutants, something between Wrong Turn and Cabin Fever (2000).. maybe?

Instead I get an alien abduction movie, but the major difference is that the alien is being abducted. I love it when a cliché gets turned around.

So the movie starts with a bunch of red necks running around a field, at first I thought there moonshine bootleggers but it turns out they are alien hunters!! After being abducted by aliens and returned to earth slightly altered, a group of pissed off young men seek revenge.

From the snippets of conversation and interactions give a pretty clear indication that one of the party died on board the ship, this no doubt was the fuel for this attack. So they hatch a (drunken) plan to kidnap and torture their abductor, or possibly just an alien in the wrong goddamed corn field. YEEE HAA!

 

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The guys are pretty clued up on how crazy ass shit the alien is gonna be once captured and no doubt from their previous encounters they know how to capture and hurt the pissed off little guy. Much to everyone’s enjoyment things get crazier and stranger as the movie progresses.

The acting is great, I do believe the characters have a good level of depth and are very believable . I did like hot they tied in with the characters from Fire in the Sky (1993) and from the impression you get from their life after the abduction stories this movie could be the black comedy sequel. Yes I said Comedy.. this is the kind of movie I put in the comedy box… tongue firmly in a dark cheek.

Don’t let the comedy tag deter you, it’s not all shits and giggled, there is a dose of gore, some intestine tug of war, explosions of the cranium and some cute and bizarre alien schit, the lil green guy is a cross between a Gremlin (1984) with a big chip on his shoulder and the mask from Satan’s Little Helper (2004) toss in a can of Monster and away he goes.

All in all I actually liked the movie, there isn’t much to it, but it’s fun while it lasts, the story is pretty original and has a dose of everything you need for a entertaining movie. There is a lot of jumps, scares and tension but it’s loaded with a few sick jokes. I do admire when a movie doesn’t rely on a prequel or hundreds of dreamy flash backs to illustrate past events.

T: Was originally planned as a horror/comedy with the title “Probed”.

Q: a lengthy one…

 

Cody: [wielding harpoon] Let’s do it!

Otis: Hey, I think we oughta wait a minute.

Duke: Don’t go pussy on me.

[cocks his gun]

Otis: I’m not man, I just think…

Duke: Don’t!

Otis: This is the stupidest goddamn thing I’ve ever done.

BS: I really did like the guts tug of war. it was lacking some blood but totally hilarious and scary.

RGremlins (1984), Fire in the Sky (1993)

 

6/10

 06

Home sweet home (2013)

HOME SWEET HOME
(Thriller, Gore, Horror, 2013) (18D/W: David Morlet  S: Megham Heffern 1h 20m. USA.

A young married couple comes home from a date night to discover that they are imprisoned in their own house with a methodical killer.

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How strange, two movies with the same name, same synopsis made in the same year! The only way I could tell them apart is by the running time. Remakes are getting quicker and quicker! I thought Quarantine (2008) was made pretty soon after Rec (2007)

This is another Home Invasion movie but in a very different style, it has charm, it’s very quiet and the intruder is genuinely very creepy as is his mask. He’s as sadistic as the Collector (2009) but more believable as he doesn’t rig up Saw traps in every room in under 3 minutes.

The beginning is a bit lengthy, silent introduction into the movie, while the villain settles in, tucking in the baby and lubing himself up for the night. Literally lubing his head up with Vaseline.. Obviously it’s his thing…

The real tension starts when the couple, a young married coule return home after an evening at the theatre, they briefly settle in before the uninvited guest makes his appearance known.

Slow paced but brutal is the best way to describe this movie, it’s similar to Funny Games (1997) or the Strangers (2008), you’ll notice something in the background and then WHOA blood! It mimics the directors other horror, Mutants (2009) and does have a very Euro Film feel to it.

There is a very different structure to Home Sweet Home that works for this style of movie, often with films directors will try and introduce the characters in great detail to make you love or hate them to cause a deeper reaction when the shit hits the fan, it doesn’t happen in here and it’s great because you don’t become annoyed with the characters, instead the sheer horror of a home invasion strike enough fear into the viewer. Lets face it, it’s pretty unpleasant… you get a pretty good idea what the couple are like in the brief introduction.

Another striking factor is that unlike other home invasion movie this one is well lit and you can clearly see what is going on, there is a bit of sneaking around but it’s not in the shadows. A majority of the movie is a showdown between the intruder and the wife and both actors nail the performance totally.

A great twist at the end, actually a pretty good ending considering the pace and tension, it still gives a little kick at the end on top of all the others.. It’s not the best film ever but it’s certainly one of the more memorable home invasion movies and it worth a watch.

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Q: Not many quotes I’m afraid.. this is a pretty silent film.

BS: I have to say that I really did love the introduction where the guy smears himself with Vaseline.. and there is a strange art house style scene where a ball bounces down the stairs.. TENSION!!! It’s simple and extremely affective.

R: Strangers (2008), Funny Games (1997), Cherry Tree Lane (2010) , Ils/Them (2006).

7/10

07

Isolation (2005)

Isolation

(Horror, Thriller, Gore. 2005) (15) D/W: Billy O’Brien C:  Sean Harris, John Lync, Marcel Iures.  1h 35m. UK / Ireland.

On a remote Irish farm, five people become unwilling participants in an experiment that goes nightmarishly wrong.

TAGLINE : A horror film set on a lonely farm in rural Ireland.

 

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Well I don’t remember how I came about finding this flick, but it has two of my al time favourite UK actors in it and both were very hot to watch.. oh man!! It’s a keeper, just for Sean Harris and John Lynch visuals.

I do vaguely remember seeing this previewed on another DVD possibly Unearthed or the Decent and it looked terrible, I only recognised the movie from one of the final scenes..  I thought trailers were supposed to turn you onto a movie, make it look dazzling and schit? If they showed Sean Harris making out and John Lynch’s birthing scene the movie would have been higher on my to buy list!

The movie revolves around an out of work farmer, Dan (John Lynch)  and the use of his farm by scientist unknown  to breed a more fertile bovine, he’s Irish but he’s not f*cking lucky at all, he is kept in the dark  over many aspects of the “project”.

Along with all these problems Dan has a young couple (Sean Harris and Ruth Negga) intruding on his laaand (oh wait he’s not from Somerset.. ) * ahem * on his land.. To the viewer it’s clear that the couple are on the run, to Dan they are just going to get him into trouble with the unknown powers, but he’s not a monster, he lets them stay, that kind act might have been a curse in disguise. Still Dan’s main concern is the livelihood of his herd.. although to be fair I only remember seeing one cow in the entire movie!

Things are wrong from the get go in this dark, biological nightmare of a movie, two people are bitten by an unborn calf.. bitten!!!  Mind you the little fekker gets swung around by the legs and over the head of Dan on entry into this world! Is this honestly common practice?? WOAH!

IsolationBirth

Then things get weird (if that wasn’t weird enough) There is a vigorous dose of gore and yucky moments, Cronehberg would be proud of the viral creatures, sliding around and biting folk. There are various arms up cows A$$es, strange cuts and bites, autopsies, vomiting, blood and guts, at least there was enough to make a little gore queen like myself squeal with delight!

 

A dose of Sean Harris and John Lynch makes me happy and get the old juices flowing, both are really great actors who aren’t afraid to get dirty for their work and it pays off. To be honest I don’t think nay shy actors fair well in such films.

While being a frim Reality Checked Drama, a Biological Sci Fi Breakdown and a Gore Bursting Virus movie, Isolation holds true to the modern British horror genre, it is a good movie, it doesn’t open up any new doors for any of the aforementioned genres but it does touch on a possible future crisis. I know a lot of conspiracy theorist, vegans and those sensitive to genetically modified foods/crops/herds will see this as a harsh bite of reality that we might have to face.

I have to give this movie huge thumbs up for using animatronics and not GCI, I really love when films do this, CGI can work at times but for this style of gore and horror you really need to see something with substance. We need to bring back blood soaked, repulsive, textured monsters and look and feel real man!

R: Squirm (1976), Slither (2006), Shivers (1975), Growth (2010), Ruins (2008), Bug (2006), Splinter (2008) ß do you see a pattern emerging here, infection movies all with one word titles…

7/10

07