300 : Rise of an empire (2014)

300: Rise of an Empire

300: Rise of an Empire (Historical, War, Action, Fantasy 2014) (18) D: Noam Murro: P:Gianni Nunnari C: Lena Headey, Rodrigo Santoro, David Wenham, Andrew Tiernan, Andrew Pleavin and Peter Mensah .1h 42m USA.

TAGLINE : Seize your glory

Synopsis: Greek general Themistokles leads the charge against invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes and Artemisia, vengeful commander of the Persian navy.

While Zack Snyder’s live action remake of the Frank Millers/Lynn Varleys graphic novel 300 (2006) set the pace for a new generation of golden GCI enriched historical tales, this poor less endowed relation offers nothing but post Pathfinder (2007) GCI bloodletting, an awkward sex scene and lots of soul draining drama in a giant badly reconstructed swimming pool.

Frank Miller was quick to start work on the Xerxes comic series which is still unfinished but despite this; it was snapped up by director Noam Murro’s, whose previous resume includes only one film, comedy romance Smart People (2008) , and it’s obviously he was out of his depth in this greatly anticipated (non) sequel. The story seems to have very little to do with Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) instead it deals more with the battles against the Persian naval forces commanded by Artemisia (Eva Green) and in the Spartan corner Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton).

Overall it’s 300 (2006)  in a swimming pool, similar to how Master and Commander (2003) is basically Gladiator (2000) in a swimming pool and Waterworld (1995) is Mad Max 2 (1979) in water, more movies need to make this step, for example maybe Bad Milo! (2013) could have a loving butt adventure on a boat.. it would be a lot more entertaining.

300 Rise of an Empire (2014)  is pretty dull, it doesn’t have any of the dazzling moments or great battles scenes as it’s predecessor, the characters have no depth, although they do have very nice wardrobes and the same set of spray on peck and six packs. It seems everyone is only available for a short angry faced cameo then it’s on to the next slow motion death scene. Artemisia and Themisokles have an awkward grunting, beatdown pseudo sex scene which was difficult to fully undertand. The only treat is a final showdown which does involve a high density of CGI but is the best and longest fighting scene. there isn’t really a whole lot to really get the grasp of, it’s not a political battleground, it’s not a great battle strategy enthused film like Red Cliff (2008) It just attempts everything and achieves nothing. Gerard Butler is sorely missed…

 05

 

Rating : 5/10

R: 300 (2006). Troy (2004), Kingdom of Heaven (2005), Pompeii (2014), Hercules (2014)

Q: Artemisia: You fight much harder than you fuck.
Queen Gorgo: You’ve come a long way to stroke your cock, while you watch real men train.
BS: Final fight scene is ok.. Otherwise it’s lots of meh!
OST: Junkie XL, Black Sabbath – War Pigs
L: Historical War Films
5B: Rodrigo Santoro, Andrew Tiernan, Jack O’Connell
DGI: Knock a shot for every gay reference.. I dare you!

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