Category Archives: Animals

Meet the Feebles (1989)

Director: Peter Jackson.
Starring.Mark Hadlow, Peter Vere Jones, Donna Akerten, Stuart Dasent. New Zealand. 1h 37m.

This is one of the few titles I use to gauge someone’s personality, sense of humour and to find out if they can be left alone with small children and animals, it can also be used in a test to see if they can keep food down in a crisis. The video was originally passed around at school as a dare, a test of a teens measure, can you get through this without being sick!? I was up for it and passed the test with flying colours!

Meet the Feebles is a sort of psychotropic; meth fueled GG Allin styled Muppets show, that often sinks below the gutter, and it’s attempts to be funny and overly sick for sick’s sake has divided movie fans for years. It’s never going to active much acclaim for its efforts but I feel it helped to kick start a lot of subversive comedy which deserves it’s own platform even if only a handful of people like it. Continue reading Meet the Feebles (1989)

Splinter (2008)

Director: Toby Wilkins:
Starring: Shea Whigham, Paulo Costanzo, Jill Wagner, Rachel Kerbs. USA. 1h 28m.

Seemingly inspired by The Thing (1982) on a heavy dose of meth, Splinter brings the horror a little closer to home, you don’t have to visit the arctic to encounter a viral creature, there could be one out back right now. Along with the threat of this insane and unforgiving monster we also have to deal with two very different couples one of them being a redneck version of Bonny and Clyde, yet surprisingly the two story lines do work.

The beginning of this is great, there is a petrol attendant attacked by what looks like a rabid animal in the toilets of a station. Then; after some creepy credits showing lots of dead and mutilated animals we’re introduced to a preppy couple who get carjacked by the redneck Bonny and Clyde,she’s missing her fix and he’s just trying to get to the border. When they stop for gas, everything changes, the characters, atmosphere and just everything. The addict goes to shoot up in the toilet and finds the attendant who’s begging for death as he’s being taken over by the virus the spiny creature has given him, she’s soon attacked and taken out and the jail bird and preppy kids are now locked in the service station trying to figure out what is attacking them and how to fight back. Continue reading Splinter (2008)

Belve Feroci (Savage Beasts) / The Wild Beasts (1984)

Director: Franco Prosperi.
Starring: Lorraine De Selle, Ugo Bologna, John Stacy, John Aldrich Stefania,Pinna Italy/Germany. 1h 32m.

A short while ago the Amazon delivery guy brought two films to my door, on a chilly winter morning, Wild Beasts and ROAR! I had hope for a double bill of amazing creature features and I got it.. I started the duo with this gem from the 80’s which like Roar (1981) involved the use of many large wild animals, undergoing a wild night in the city.

Half horror and half “let’s think about what we’re doing to the environment” movie, it’s scattered with gruesome animal attacks as well as highlighting ecological issues. But it’s just a normal day at the zoo when a beautiful photographer Laura Schwarz (De Selle) arrives to take some photos at the local zoo, she’s introduced to the various lives of a range of animals and procedures in the zoo, while the animals seem to be going about their normal day to day lives there are some concerns that they are “off their food”. Wrapping things up the photographer gets the cold shoulder from her young daughter who she rarely see’s day to day and is experiences abandonment issues. While the brilliant zoologist Ruper Berner ( Aldrich) retreats to his home for a shower.. Continue reading Belve Feroci (Savage Beasts) / The Wild Beasts (1984)

Grizzly – The Red Machine (2014)

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Grizzly – The Red Machine (Thriller, Action, Horror 2014) (PG-13) D: David Hackl: P: W: Guy Moshe, JR Reher +: C: Thomas Jane, James Marsden, Billy Bob Thornton, Scott Glenn, Bart the Bear 1h 34m. Canada.

TAGLINE : Hunt or be hunted Synopsis: Two estranged brothers reunite at their childhood home in the Alaskan Wild. They set out on a two day hike and are stalked by an unrelenting grizzly bear.

 Nature enforces it’s will over man in this soppy thriller, two estranged brothers who are tightly bound by memories of a bear attack on their father but separated by different lifestyles, begrudgingly reunite to fight a common for, a grizzly bear on the hunt for revenge. It’s not the most imaginative plot and is much like other hunt movies such as Jaws (1975) or the Edge (1997).

While Grizzly isn’t improved with such lovable characters such as Brody and Quint from Jaws, it does remain, man is pitted against the toughest unrelenting killer who cannot be bargained with. Joining the brothers is the seasoned hunter (basically the Quint of the flick) Douglas (Billy Bob Thornton) Once he arrives with his pritty horsey, and they are deep in the woods the pace starts to pick up, but don’t get too excited..

Expectedly this film revolves around beautiful long shots of the Canadian forests and is accompanied by a fitting score. While the bear attack scenes adopt a shaky rapid movement cut scene technique to the point where it’s hard to really see what’s going on but these are the stronger segments. On a personal note I admire any stunt actor who does up against a bear, even in a controlled environment. Sadly there does seem to be an irritating formula for every bear attack scene that dulls the movie a little With such a host of big named stars involved in the movie is as mediocre as the plot and the depth of the characters are just weak.

Director David Hackl, known for having a hand in the Saw franchise and directing Saw V (2008) seems out of his depths in a much larger out door arena and having to deal with real drama that can’t be enhanced by creepy traps. Everything is cobbled together in a bizarre mixture without any real tension. Something just doesn’t gel together here. Rowan (James Marsden) mistakenly picks up a hooker who gets stroppy and leaves, I’m pretty sure he could pull a straight guy, and the seasoned hunter tough guy Douglas (Billy Bob Thornton) misses with nearly every shot no matter how close up he is to the beast. I’ll also mention the example of the deaf girl who is camping and manages to escape the bear by using just the bear mace.

Grizzly is a sedated hunt movie, the frequent bear attacks could have been substituted for fewer more intense attack scenes with better cinematography and maybe some artistic flare, there aren’t many bear movies out there, but it’s about time we got creative with this theme. We know bears are intelligent creatures I’m sure they are use tools or do I dare suggest a zombie bear? Overall Grizzly doesn’t deliver on excitement, suspense, tension action or gore, it’s just very average all around.    

05


Rating : 5/10

R: Grizzly (1976), The Edge (1997, Grizzly Man (2005) Grizzly Park (2008) Night of the Grizzly (1966) Bear (2010) Orca (1977) Jaws (1975)

BS: The scene where billy bob gets swiped by the teddy bear and gets a cool haircut. How he survives that I just don’t know.

L: Bear Films, When animals attack

5B: Thomas Jane, Billy Bob Thornton.

DGI: Chug a bear for ever bear attack.

T: The film is part dedication to the original Grizzly man Timothy Treadwell who is believed to have been killed by a bear he nicknamed as the Red Machine.

Kisha