ABERTOIR ANNOUNCE 2013 DATES!

ABERTOIR ANNOUNCE 2013 DATES!

This year the festival will be held on 5th – 10th November, they are still open for submissions so get in  yours in NOW!

http://www.abertoir.co.uk/

 

Advertisements

La Weekend June 1

LA WEEKEND…

Pretty uneventful weekend but one that I spend a lot of time working out and spending time with my mama. I did re discover tales of the unexpected which took up a lot of my time but there is no point in reviewing each one, I might do it season by season.

  • JAWS 2
  • GET  CARTER
  • CABIN IN THE WOODS
  • MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH
  • PROMETHEUS
  • JAWS OF SATAN (COBRA)
  • CREEPSHOW
  • HAMMER OF THE GODS
  • WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
  • THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS
  • REQUIEM FOR A DREAM
  • THE LODGER

JAWS 2 – I always find it odd that they did such an amazingly good job with the first movie but then really make the second look like a fake crap shark!? I worked out why none of the other movies are as good as the first, it’s simply missing Quint! “Here’s to swimming with bow legged women”.

*GET  CARTER – I don’t often watch remakes and this is another reason why! I tried really hard not to swear at my TV during the whole movie.. I gave up after the first 20 minutes.

*CABIN IN THE WOODS

recommended by a good movie buddy Gav(meister), and he’s right it is a good movie, not a GREAT movie but I really did enjoy seeing the hordes of monsters. I was first put off by the sci fi element in a cabin movie but in the end I really enjoyed it.

cabin in the woods

MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH – I never get sick of this movie, it’s a pleasure to watch. Lavish colours, great plot and if you have great DVD controls a dubstepping dwarf.

PROMETHEUS – Mama hadn’t seen this, despite it being in the house for so long, after a long discussion about robots and how they shouldn’t be pricks we eventually watched the film. I do like the film but I get really annoyed that it doesn’t answer any questions.

*JAWS OF SATAN (COBRA) –Oh!! I’ve had this on the to watch list for a week or two.. I was hoping for an old school gem, but instead I got a comedy.. but a few beers and it’s quite enjoyable.

cobra

CREEPSHOW – another film I never tire of even though I know it all off by heart! I wish we could have some more creepshows.. I fear that modern cinema would balls it all up but you gotta keep the dream alive.

*HAMMER OF THE GODS – It was hard watching this because it was so bad but I like to give everything a chance..

hammer of the gosgods

*WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT – I had a lot of expectations for this movie, I was hoping for dodgy retro prints, council fireplaces and things being chucked around the room and it did not fail to supply that, sadly for some reason my end credits were in German!???

*THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS– One of my little sisters newest all time favourite movies, it’s not Hell Ride BUT it is a brilliant thrill ride!

the-baytown-outlaws

*REQUIEM FOR A DREAM – I think this is on the disturbing list.. not sure why!? It tackles a few difficult subjects but they aren’t anything which isn’t already commonplace? I know it’s hard for some people to look into the lives of addicts but addiction isn’t all that rare. Maybe I’m too hardcore.

*THE LODGER  – urgh I thought this was the Alfred Hitchcock 1920’s movie it has that cover.. but this is the 1940’s movie!!! How do people get away with this. Either way it still tells a creepy story about a mysterious lodger during the Jack the Ripper killing season.

*New Movie

Reviews to come..

Abby (1974)

(Horror, Supernatural, 1974) (12D/W : William Girdler W : Gordon Cornell Layne 1h 29. USA

A possession film about a marriage counsellor who becomes possess by a Demon of sexuality.

First five minutes of the movie I’m thinking “doctor dude will you open that fucking present and shut that bitch up” I’m also thinking that I’ve just started watching a black Exorcist (1973) maybe the Ghettocist? I dunno but the doctor dude goes to Nigera and opens some demonic relic with a massive wang and somehow he’s daughter in law gets possessed. Qu : How does that work? Was he thinking about her when he found “the erect penis, what a magnificent find” If the demon was trying to kill him, then why didn’t it bitch slap him them?

Anyway Abby is now possess and has amazing  adventures, her voice changes, she kick her husband in the balls, gives a white lady a heart attack and starts picking up men in bars and is killing them. If the demonic aspect were removed from this movie it would just be a liberating chick flick maybe called Abby and Louise.

Err the doctor comes back from Nigeria and confuses me as people call him father because he’s a priest but then his son also calls him father.. cos he’s his father.. but not the other peoples father.. or is he? His studies into the Yoruba religion allow him to kick some demonic ass.

Q : “Do you ever wonder why God makes these chickens necks to long?”

T : Warner sued AIP claiming that the movie (from Louisville Kentucky) copied the Exorcist (1973) too closely (it doesn’t) and it was withdrawn

R : Exorcist (1973),  The Possession (2012), Possession (1981), Shaft (1971)

I : Abby II, we discover that the demon is now in the “father” who is on his way back to Nigera and he turns into some demonic black Hitler!

LAST NIGHTS MOVIES 30-05-13

LAST NIGHTS MOVIES 30-05-13

I just had to share Manborg (2011) with someone and that someone happened to be my mummy, my mother is a f*cking legend!! (But then I suppose that everyone thinks that way about their mother!

One of the charms of Manborg (2011)  is that being only an hour long and it’s not an in-depth plot, you can share it with everyone so easily!

Then I had the task of catching up with Antiviral (2012) . I skipped the first half an hour or so, which meant re watching little bits of it, but that wasn’t a problem as it’s such a visual dream. It has an interesting ending I but not the one I was hoping to see.

 

After some kickboxing cardio and weight lifting I snuck in a movie this one was Traffic (2000) which I had seen in a movie list but for the life of me I can’t remember what the list was about!?!?? Never mind I watched the film now.. It is good but I have a few hangs up..

Next was Vacancy (2007) One of those movies that always looked good on the posters but I pretty much had worked out the whole movie in my head before watching.. Prediction.. and I was pretty much right about it all L Obviously there were some tense moments in it and it was watchable but I don’t think it’s one of those re watchable movies.. but there is a part two.. I might have to predict that before watching.

Either way  I managed to get part way through he remake of Get Carter (1971), sadly called Get Carter (2000). I avoided this movie for some time due to my aversion to remakes but it was only an hour long and I thought I’d stay awake for it.. but I didn’t I guess like Manborg (2011)  I’ll share it with myself later on today! Lol It’s so awkward when you already know the story…

get carter

Outpost : Black Sun (2012)

OUTPOST :  BLACK SUN

wpid-outpost2-black-sun-poster-2.jpg
(Horror, Action, War, Zombie, 2012) (18D/W : Steve Barker 1h 41m. UK

The year is 1945, the closing stages of WWII an a German scientist by the name of Klausener is working…

I liked the first movie, it wasn’t ground-breaking but it wasn’t all that bad, I managed to watch it several times and not all just because of Richard Brake but he did make it rather enjoyable! It had a story line, and some interesting banter and it made a good movie.

The Sequel however was a right let down, massive plot holes and uninspiring b-movie acting. It looked like the director had a few scenes in mind that he wanted to try and make better from the first movie then he tried to write a story in between these scenes.

The predications were on the right track, we finally got some boobies as a lady has been added to the mix, I quite liked the first movie that was pussy free.  The chick started out tough then along with the movie started to mutate into Dog Solders () The “zombie” nazi’s were more animated but WTF was the Emperor Palpatine scene near the end all about! I don’t want to spoil it, I want someone else to suffer as much as I had to.

It has flaws.. major ones.. one thing that pissed me off to no end was the UK actors who put on lame US accents especially as they weren’t necessary.. Grrr

On the plus side the film has the same unique look and feel of the first.. that’s about it’s only charm.. Lets hope someone has learnt from this terrible mistake and the third movie is much much better.. there are enough references to the next film

Q : “is it true that they have more fun?”

R : Outpost (2007) Dead Mine (2012) Dod Sno (Dead Snow) (2009)

4/10

04

Iron Man 2 (2010)

IRON MAN 2
(Action, Remake, 2010) (12AD : Jon Favreau W : Stan Lee, Justin Theroux S : RDJ, Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle  2h 4m. USA.

Tony Stark has declared himself as Iron Man and installed world peace.. or so he thinks, He soon realises that not only is there a mad man out to kill him with his own technology but there’s something more, he is dying.

wpid-Iron-Man-wallpaper-2-2032.jpg

This was a bit pants.. for a 2 hour movie, it was filled with 20 minutes of story, 100 minutes of RDJ and Scarlet Johansson on full GODMODE!  Oh and and 4 minutes of RDJ crying about his dad! ROLL credits!

It seems Tony Stark has saved the entire planet by building one suit and is too cute to be prosecuted or beaten by anyone. I’m not quite sure how he has saved us all with one suit but we are forced to believe that he has.  We are also led to believe that some random Russian guy is just as awesome as his but because he lost his dad and Russian he’s evil.. and has bad hair extensions. Humm there is a lot about Tony dealing with life, lets face it he shouldn’t really have a lot to worry about but has to make up some drama, Pepper Pots stresses over everything far more than in the last movie, Mickey Rourke is like a Science Boyka and is just getting things did under the supervision of Sam Rockwell (T : Originally approached to play Iron Man) and there are some explosions and stuff going on.

It really could have been an hour shorter but I think when they are planning some kind of trilogy the movies are kept to a similar length, I suppose the punters would get peeved if the first movie was 2 hours and the second only an hour, but if the middle story is a bit shorter with an epic third I’m sure we will all live. Everyone knew this was being shoe horned in to help push the Avengers I don’t’ think we would have taken it as offensive if this was condensed. OK Rant over..

I was right about a couple of things in my predictions; there was a kind of sidekick, that was easy to guess from the first movie the whole writing of the Black Widow into the film was pants but I suppose it needed to lead directly into the Avengers which might be why this is such a crap Ironman movie but an OK superhero movie.  I do often wonder why there were no other super hero references in the previous movie or even in this one.. just a bit of Hulk on the news or sommit!?

I felt that a majority of the movie was spent on us watching RDJ fuck around and the plot was shoe horned in with little explanation or thought. Maybe this should have been RDJ Man 2?

Q:  “Fallaces sunt rerum species” RIron Man (2008 ), Avengers (2012 )

 6/10

06

LAST NIGHTS MOVIES 29-05-13

LAST NIGHTS MOVIES 29-05-1 

2099556

Last night ran into a bit of a late one but sadly not with a whole lot of movie watching  did fit in two movies but one of them was only an hour long! Am I loosing it? I watched ManBorg (2011)  which was surprising good for what it is and that’s a modern b movie pulptastic George jetson nightmare! Ahem.. and Antiviral (2012) which I didn’t get to watch until the very end so that review will be pending BUT the movie is stylish! I adore the feel of it and the man character is Haute Hot! So far a very unusual storey has been introduced about people taking on viruses from their favourite celebrities with a little bit of smuggling going on. It’s something I would expect from the loin of Cronenberg, common themes of viruses and mechanical people from both of these boys! More details to follow…

manborg21

DREAMSCAPE

DREAMSCAPE

(Thriller, Horror, Adventure, Sci Fi 1984) (15) D : Joseph Ruben W : David Loughey S : Max Von Sydow, Denis Quaid, David Patrick Kelly. 1h 39m. USA.

A young psychic on the run from himself is recruited by the government to save the US President who’s mind is trapped inside the dream world.

image

Denis Quaid is a psychic running from the mob into the open arms of a government dream project. After a chat in a bar with an author Charlie Prince (George Wendt) the dangers of the project and a plot to kill the president becomes more apparent. Finally shit kicks off!

I reallyh appreciate movies that use stop motion FC, and this one uses them quite well in the dream sequences, but the let down is that the dreams were mundane and not as oddball or off the scale as I would have liked, still that’s neither here nor there, you still have dragon men, zombie in the underground and nuclear war! BRING IT ON!

Big thumbs up to David Patrick Kelly who plays his typical dodgy little fuck’s part quite well and it’s always super cool to see him as a villain in any movie. Since the Warriors (1979) he’s never failed to antagonise.

image

Q : “If your talking about our sex life then George has a little problem”

BS : After the death of Mrs Matuski the confrontation between Quaid and Kelly is great. And includes this… Q : You may not know it to look at me but I’m a pretty sensitive guy”

TIL : Never draw your bad dreams and leave them available for your enemies to find.

image

R : Nightmare on elm street (1981), Inception (2010).

Psychotronic Cinema