The Cloth (2013)


(Horror, Supernatural, Thriller, 2013) (15C: Danny Trejo, Eric Roberts, Rachele Brooke Smith. 1 h 28 min. USA

A godless man is recruited by a secret organization who works to combat demonic possessions in order to prepare a new generation in the battle against evil forces

TAGLINE : The battle for your soul, has begun!


Oh dear lawd, what an awful movie. The first thing you realise is the crazy lame monologue dialogue, no one has any emotion, the pauses are really long and it’s like a school play.. Actually I’d prefer to watch a school play because the little kiddies usually put some effort it. What else.. oh yes this is a blatant rip off on Constantine (2005) but the star is actually more wooden than Keanu (I never thought I’d ever say that), he gets some cool pokemon style demon fighting gadgets from a low budget M and a cool coat that totally helps him blend in with any crowd.


I think the basics of this movie is some unsuspecting youngster realises that he’s the ONLY HOPE FOR MANKIND!!! And he doesn’t want the responsibility, then due to his bloodline only he can use special weapons to fight demons (who are really people who have eaten a lot of blackjacks… black mouthed mofos) and some schit happens, this douchbag also dumps his gf while brushing his teeth.. *brush brush* I dunno how to say this but I don’t think this is working out  *brush – SPIT* I’m amazed he didn’t just drop his kacks and take a pinch a loaf too.





Altered (2006)


(Horror, Sci Fi, Comedy,  2006) (18) D: Eduardo Sánchez W: C: Adam Kaufman, Catherine Mangan, Brad William Henke 1h 28m. USA

TAGLINE : They will find you…

Fifteen years ago, a group of men’s lives were forever changed by a strange occurrence. Now, the same group of men will spend a night together … in terror.


I went into this one totally blind, a friend, The Gavster recommended it, I’m not quite sure why, heck I can’t remember how it got mentioned but I have to admit that it’s not a movie I would have normally picked up in the Rental Shop. I would have guessed it was a movie about Red Neck mutants, something between Wrong Turn and Cabin Fever (2000).. maybe?

Instead I get an alien abduction movie, but the major difference is that the alien is being abducted. I love it when a cliché gets turned around.

So the movie starts with a bunch of red necks running around a field, at first I thought there moonshine bootleggers but it turns out they are alien hunters!! After being abducted by aliens and returned to earth slightly altered, a group of pissed off young men seek revenge.

From the snippets of conversation and interactions give a pretty clear indication that one of the party died on board the ship, this no doubt was the fuel for this attack. So they hatch a (drunken) plan to kidnap and torture their abductor, or possibly just an alien in the wrong goddamed corn field. YEEE HAA!



The guys are pretty clued up on how crazy ass shit the alien is gonna be once captured and no doubt from their previous encounters they know how to capture and hurt the pissed off little guy. Much to everyone’s enjoyment things get crazier and stranger as the movie progresses.

The acting is great, I do believe the characters have a good level of depth and are very believable . I did like hot they tied in with the characters from Fire in the Sky (1993) and from the impression you get from their life after the abduction stories this movie could be the black comedy sequel. Yes I said Comedy.. this is the kind of movie I put in the comedy box… tongue firmly in a dark cheek.

Don’t let the comedy tag deter you, it’s not all shits and giggled, there is a dose of gore, some intestine tug of war, explosions of the cranium and some cute and bizarre alien schit, the lil green guy is a cross between a Gremlin (1984) with a big chip on his shoulder and the mask from Satan’s Little Helper (2004) toss in a can of Monster and away he goes.

All in all I actually liked the movie, there isn’t much to it, but it’s fun while it lasts, the story is pretty original and has a dose of everything you need for a entertaining movie. There is a lot of jumps, scares and tension but it’s loaded with a few sick jokes. I do admire when a movie doesn’t rely on a prequel or hundreds of dreamy flash backs to illustrate past events.

T: Was originally planned as a horror/comedy with the title “Probed”.

Q: a lengthy one…


Cody: [wielding harpoon] Let’s do it!

Otis: Hey, I think we oughta wait a minute.

Duke: Don’t go pussy on me.

[cocks his gun]

Otis: I’m not man, I just think…

Duke: Don’t!

Otis: This is the stupidest goddamn thing I’ve ever done.

BS: I really did like the guts tug of war. it was lacking some blood but totally hilarious and scary.

RGremlins (1984), Fire in the Sky (1993)




Home sweet home (2013)

(Thriller, Gore, Horror, 2013) (18D/W: David Morlet  S: Megham Heffern 1h 20m. USA.

A young married couple comes home from a date night to discover that they are imprisoned in their own house with a methodical killer.


How strange, two movies with the same name, same synopsis made in the same year! The only way I could tell them apart is by the running time. Remakes are getting quicker and quicker! I thought Quarantine (2008) was made pretty soon after Rec (2007)

This is another Home Invasion movie but in a very different style, it has charm, it’s very quiet and the intruder is genuinely very creepy as is his mask. He’s as sadistic as the Collector (2009) but more believable as he doesn’t rig up Saw traps in every room in under 3 minutes.

The beginning is a bit lengthy, silent introduction into the movie, while the villain settles in, tucking in the baby and lubing himself up for the night. Literally lubing his head up with Vaseline.. Obviously it’s his thing…

The real tension starts when the couple, a young married coule return home after an evening at the theatre, they briefly settle in before the uninvited guest makes his appearance known.

Slow paced but brutal is the best way to describe this movie, it’s similar to Funny Games (1997) or the Strangers (2008), you’ll notice something in the background and then WHOA blood! It mimics the directors other horror, Mutants (2009) and does have a very Euro Film feel to it.

There is a very different structure to Home Sweet Home that works for this style of movie, often with films directors will try and introduce the characters in great detail to make you love or hate them to cause a deeper reaction when the shit hits the fan, it doesn’t happen in here and it’s great because you don’t become annoyed with the characters, instead the sheer horror of a home invasion strike enough fear into the viewer. Lets face it, it’s pretty unpleasant… you get a pretty good idea what the couple are like in the brief introduction.

Another striking factor is that unlike other home invasion movie this one is well lit and you can clearly see what is going on, there is a bit of sneaking around but it’s not in the shadows. A majority of the movie is a showdown between the intruder and the wife and both actors nail the performance totally.

A great twist at the end, actually a pretty good ending considering the pace and tension, it still gives a little kick at the end on top of all the others.. It’s not the best film ever but it’s certainly one of the more memorable home invasion movies and it worth a watch.


Q: Not many quotes I’m afraid.. this is a pretty silent film.

BS: I have to say that I really did love the introduction where the guy smears himself with Vaseline.. and there is a strange art house style scene where a ball bounces down the stairs.. TENSION!!! It’s simple and extremely affective.

R: Strangers (2008), Funny Games (1997), Cherry Tree Lane (2010) , Ils/Them (2006).



Isolation (2005)


(Horror, Thriller, Gore. 2005) (15) D/W: Billy O’Brien C:  Sean Harris, John Lync, Marcel Iures.  1h 35m. UK / Ireland.

On a remote Irish farm, five people become unwilling participants in an experiment that goes nightmarishly wrong.

TAGLINE : A horror film set on a lonely farm in rural Ireland.



Well I don’t remember how I came about finding this flick, but it has two of my al time favourite UK actors in it and both were very hot to watch.. oh man!! It’s a keeper, just for Sean Harris and John Lynch visuals.

I do vaguely remember seeing this previewed on another DVD possibly Unearthed or the Decent and it looked terrible, I only recognised the movie from one of the final scenes..  I thought trailers were supposed to turn you onto a movie, make it look dazzling and schit? If they showed Sean Harris making out and John Lynch’s birthing scene the movie would have been higher on my to buy list!

The movie revolves around an out of work farmer, Dan (John Lynch)  and the use of his farm by scientist unknown  to breed a more fertile bovine, he’s Irish but he’s not f*cking lucky at all, he is kept in the dark  over many aspects of the “project”.

Along with all these problems Dan has a young couple (Sean Harris and Ruth Negga) intruding on his laaand (oh wait he’s not from Somerset.. ) * ahem * on his land.. To the viewer it’s clear that the couple are on the run, to Dan they are just going to get him into trouble with the unknown powers, but he’s not a monster, he lets them stay, that kind act might have been a curse in disguise. Still Dan’s main concern is the livelihood of his herd.. although to be fair I only remember seeing one cow in the entire movie!

Things are wrong from the get go in this dark, biological nightmare of a movie, two people are bitten by an unborn calf.. bitten!!!  Mind you the little fekker gets swung around by the legs and over the head of Dan on entry into this world! Is this honestly common practice?? WOAH!


Then things get weird (if that wasn’t weird enough) There is a vigorous dose of gore and yucky moments, Cronehberg would be proud of the viral creatures, sliding around and biting folk. There are various arms up cows A$$es, strange cuts and bites, autopsies, vomiting, blood and guts, at least there was enough to make a little gore queen like myself squeal with delight!


A dose of Sean Harris and John Lynch makes me happy and get the old juices flowing, both are really great actors who aren’t afraid to get dirty for their work and it pays off. To be honest I don’t think nay shy actors fair well in such films.

While being a frim Reality Checked Drama, a Biological Sci Fi Breakdown and a Gore Bursting Virus movie, Isolation holds true to the modern British horror genre, it is a good movie, it doesn’t open up any new doors for any of the aforementioned genres but it does touch on a possible future crisis. I know a lot of conspiracy theorist, vegans and those sensitive to genetically modified foods/crops/herds will see this as a harsh bite of reality that we might have to face.

I have to give this movie huge thumbs up for using animatronics and not GCI, I really love when films do this, CGI can work at times but for this style of gore and horror you really need to see something with substance. We need to bring back blood soaked, repulsive, textured monsters and look and feel real man!

R: Squirm (1976), Slither (2006), Shivers (1975), Growth (2010), Ruins (2008), Bug (2006), Splinter (2008) ß do you see a pattern emerging here, infection movies all with one word titles…



Viy (1967)


(Horror, Comedy, Fantasy, Supernatural, 1967) (12) D: Konstantin Ershov W: Nikolai Gogol C: Leonid Kuravlyov. 1h 17m. Russia/Ukraine.

A young priest is ordered to preside over the wake of witch in a small old wooden church of a remote village. This means spending three nights alone with the corpse with only his faith to protect him

viy or spirit of evilI wasn’t quite sure what to expect from this movie, initially I used to think Russian/Ukraine movies were all a little lo budget and crappy.. Alas I grew up and started watching more movies, realised that what I had seen in the past were critically acclaimed movies and not the stranger stuff that I appreciate and low and behold every country suddenly has an underground current of movies that entertain me… sorry I’m loosing myself here.. Viy (1967) is a lush vibrant gothic horror story. T: It’s based on a book by Nikolai Gogol.

You can read a summary here on the wiki ( and the artist Natalie Shau did a gorgeous photo manipulation that you can see here ( The story had captured many other artists over the years and there is no wonder why, the story is very visual and fascinating. Continue reading Viy (1967)

Joyeux Noel (2005)

Joyeux Noel – (War, Drama, Historical, Music, 2005) (12) D/W: Christian Carion C: Benno Furmann, Diane Kruger, Ian Richardson . 1h 56m. France.

On christmas eve during WWI the Germans, French and Scottish fraternise and get to know the men who are on the opposite side of a brutal war, in what became a true lesson of humanity.


This was a poignant insight into a true occurrence during the first christmas of the Great War. Although the legend of the football matches and cease fire was not generalised it did happen, along the front line and probably wasn’t as “pretty” as this film makes out but the humanity of the event is probably as sincere.

There were moments when I thought the film might just turn into a full blown singing and dancing musical but it did help display that music is a universal language as much as prayer in some cases.

The story revolved around the love affair of Nikolaus and Anna (Benno Furmann and Diane Kruger) and obviously the German, French and Scottish legions. The men decided to have a moment of clarity on an otherwise deathly Christmas eve and drop guns and celebrate together. Which goes to show that “war” is always just political action. Unfortunately the dirty work is carried out by those who don’t necessarily want any part of it.

There are lots of interactions between the men that illustrate them visiting each other and knowing each other before the war, e.g visiting one and others hotel etc. It displays that there was a unified Europe before the war.

There is a feature of this movie which plays out similar to that in Schindler’s List (1993) Where an unknown person is clearly visible, in Schindlers it was the girl in the red coat, in Joyeux Noel it is a German and his 10am alarm clock. Both characters play an important role to remind you without knowing fully, that human beings are involved here.

A lot of small comedy moments are included, it’s hard to add this into a war movie without the cast looking like ball sacks but it’s focused  on the officers and lets face it. we’re all routing for infantry.


The language barriers are addressed in a logical way, the sets and wardrobes seem authentic to me but alas I am no historian. I was a little dubious about Benno being transported here and there at very short notice and so quickly but none of the transportation is shown, maybe to focus on the situation!? I dunno.. but he seemed to have no trouble getting out of the front line when he needed to.

The music aspect of this movie was the most annoying part, I’m not a fan of musicals myself but a catchy tune helps, understandably for this film the music had to fit. Lets just say that I didn’t rush out to get the OST. I’m pretty sure that it could have been crafted in a better way.

Another factor which shocked me a little about this film is that I knew from the start that this was WWI, no doubt about it.. but after watching for about an hour or so when one of the German officers said he appreciate the prayers even though he was Jewish I hit pause.. I couldn’t work out how a German officer could be Jewish then it finally sunk in again that it was WWI… it’s amazing how after watching so many WWII movies after hearing the German and seeing the war aspect my brain just clicked into WWII phase.. Is cinema making me racist!? Lol I kid..

This movie is quite engaging and a really compassionate insight into a small but vitally important snippet of the Great War.

T: One of the last films Ian Richardson made before his death on February 9th 2007.

Q: What the hell are you doing, Shoot the bloody kraut, shoot him god damn it the holidays are OVER!

R: Schindler’s List (1993), The English Patient (1996).



Pido nunmuldo eobsh/No blood no tears (2002)


(Action, Crime, 2002)(18) D/W : Seung-wan ryoo W: Jin Wan Jeong. 1h 56m. South Korea

TAGLINE : Enough is Enough

She drives a cab on the night shift and meets every scum there is, Gyung-Sun lives a scant life day by day


A single macho woman car driver vs the pretty trophy girlfriend of an out of work boxer… Actually they aren’t against each other they end up working together, taking down a bully and a small time gangster in their pursuit of freedom and happiness.

This has probably been classed as a girl power movie by many people. Fair enough two women manage to liberate themselves against male tyrants and gangsters and take a hell of a beating in the process. I’d imagine this is a Korean Thelma and Louise?

As a second full length feature from Rye Seung Wan who (for me) seems to have a hit and miss career, when he gets things right he makes two of my favourite movies of all time, this and City of Violence (2006) and when he gets it wrong he makes a total fuck up like Crying Fist (2005).

This film plays more like a Tarantino Richie pulp style movie as apposed to a “proper” action film and it’s loaded with small snippets of random surreal comedy that enhances the film all the way through. The film also features Doo Hong Jung (one of my favourite Korean actors) and his incredible fighting choreography is used throughout including the final showdown which is almost Riki-O (1991) tough and adds to the violent undercurrent of the film.


Q: “You can stop pretending to be tough now…”

BS: The fight showdown between the boxer douchbag and the silent guy, there is some back stabbing, hanging, crazy beating goodness!!

R: Crying Fist (2005), City of Violence (2006), Thelma and Louise (1991).



Last night’s movies 27.06.13

Pretty lame night really, I did one of the longest works outs of my life.. so I didn’t have much time for film watching L



Nevermind… I psychoed out with Night of the Demon (1980) which involved a serial rapist big foot and his b*stard offspring, there isn’t much to worry about though, he seems a sensitive lover really, The son seems to only fight in slow motion and doesn’t f*ck peoples guts out or rip off dicks like his father, so the family line is getting better!


flightSecondly came Flight (2012) which was more entertaining than I thought it would be, I do love hopeless not really trying to recover alcoholics.. they are the best to add a bit of spice into a drama, and just about the point where you wanted to punch  Denzel in the face, he sorts it out… good timing man!


Happiness (1998)


(Drama, Comedy, 1998) (18) D/W : Todd Solondz  P : Ted Hope S : Dylan Baker, Philip Seymour Hoffman. 2h 14m. USA.

The lives of many individuals connected by the desire for happiness, often from sources usually considered dark or evil.


From the first scene you get a pretty good indication of how raw this movie is going to be. The beginning reminded me of The ABC’s of Death (2012) As it just chucks you into the mix with no mercy.

The movie revolves around one family and their entanglement with neighbours, friends, stalkers and students, each of the main characters and associated people are all trying to find their own personal happiness, I find it strange that they all seem to think that this can be found in another person or sex, but I’m sure there are some psychologist who will argue why we do this.

The subject matter is unsettling but dealt with in a childlike way which makes it more twisted. The resident pedophile (Dylan Baker) would normally be seen/portrayed as a dirty and disgusting man, but he’s a punctual caring father with a job. He’s invisible as a peado but still rapes his son’s best friend (and makes it onto our worst fathers list). But the conclusion of this mini saga is just a simple chat with his son on the sofa, both are very honest and there is no judgement or closure. It’s scenes like this that will cause people to love or hate the movie.

There are some drawn out scenes, like when Joy’s colleague/date commits suicide and no one in the office remembers him and spend a good 5 minutes or more asking around trying to recall him. It’s scenes like this which give you time to reflect.

I adore the film; I found it totally fascinating to see an authentic look into the secretive lives of a few individuals who have very dark natures. You’ll recognise someone you know in each character and I think it’s at that point it hits home that the people around you aren’t what they seem. We all have a darker nature, maybe not all to the same degree as the people in the movie but it’s rife among us, this is what will terrify people.

I did find myself trying to predict what would happen next, with the relaxed pace of the movie you are kinda left to think.. “he’s gonna, he’s not gonna, oh my god he did what!?” You don’t really expect Dylan to drug and rape the young boy, you think with all the things that could go wrong that the kid would be spared.

You don’t see the act but you feel the realisation of the “blood in the BW” it’s like when someone says “the N word” you can’t not think Nigga.. brilliant now I’m thinking of that thing that you’re not mentioning! There are scenes which force you to think of scenarios and it doesn’t even touch on them, and it’s only because your human and as twisted as the characters that you are thinking along those lines.. Well done Mr Solondz.

R : Thursday (1998), Clive barkers History of the Devil (Radio play)

T : Director Cameo (Todd Solondz) as the doorman in Allen, Helen and Kristina’s building.

Q: “would you ever fuck me? 

no I’d jerk off instead”

“You know I wish you had told me this twenty years ago. Now I’m gonna have to get another FUCKING FACELIFT.”

 “I’m gonna fuck you till cum comes out your ears”,

TIL : Dogs eat cum!

BS : Any scene with Dylan Baker is amazing, I have such a crush on him… But the last scene with him and his son talking about his “sickness” is amazing.



Last nights movies 26-06-13

Another night of rest of me and I managed to fit in 3 movies!! I was so chuffed with meself!

I did start early and while prepping dinner I watched a bit of a gore fest. It’s a great thing that I have a fairly strong stomach.

  • Isolation (2005)
  • Broderskab/Brotherhood (2009)
  • Curse of the Demon (1957)

So I started the evening with Isolation (2005) this was a dark and brooding genertically modified bovine horror with lots of goo and gore. Definatly a hot flick for me!


Followed by.. Broderskab/Brotherhood (2009) now I wasn’t sure what to expect for this, I saw the cover and thought I’d give it a go, usually Danish films are hard hitting and gritty, this is a melodrama, best way to describe it, is Brokeback Mountain (2005) VS American History X (1998), I’m still unsure what kind of message it was trying to convey..


Then finally a favourite horror before bed. Curse of the Demon (1957) one of my all time favourite 1950’s movies. The monster (which is a bastard child between King Kong (1933), Alf (1986)and the rabbit from Donnie Darko (2001)) is so well created for the time, the film is full of mysticism, the occult and the first haunted piece of paper.. I think this heavily influenced Yogen/Premonition (2004).


Psychotronic Cinema