Please don’t touch me (1963)

(Drama, Mystery 1963) (12) D/W: Ron Ormand C: Lash La Rue, Ruth Blair, Larry Wallace 1h 7m. USA

TAGLINE : Why did marriage have to be like this? CRUEL UGLY Why couldn’t it bring me the happiness I longed for?

A woman who is unable to have sex with her husband goes to a psychiatrist for help. He sends her to a hypnotist, who finds out she has a deep, dark secret.


I was really pleased to find this movie after all these years, it is a shame that Ron Ormand is pretty unknown apart from those hardcore psychotronic film addicts like myself.

This is a shame as his movies; especially the ones of this era have a unique and consistent eccentric style.

The film opens with some educational footage of hypnotism, there were operation scenes, pins being pushed through skin, nail beds and more! I do like how movies from the 50’s through to the 70’s liked to educate it’s audience before showing them the full feature, rather than just assuming you’ve done your homework before watching the movie, it helps answer any obvious questions but is also a huge tool for the director to herd the audience into a false sense of security.

Then the movie starts, a frustrated young couple,  a husband trying to get his end away and a gorgeous and provocative yet frigid fire crotch wife. You learn that the wife has been raped as a child a scene which is repeated throughout the vivid movie, but there is more.. something deeper and darker that only a psychiatrist and hypnotist can answer.

The dialogue is long and “groovy” the outfits all show off various curvy figures and the posing is unbelievably gay.. but that’s the charm of this swinging 60’s flick.




Evil Dead (2013)


(Horror, Remake 2013) (18) D/W : Fede Alvarex W : Rodo Say Agues S : Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez. 1h 31m. USA.

Five friends head into a remote cabin, where the discovery of a book of the dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods. The evil presence possesses them until only one is left to fight for survival.

TAGLINE : The most terrifying film you will ever experience.


For fuck sake… I don’t really want to talk about this movie. Everything about this is so very dull and shit. The cast seems to have been downgraded to teens which is a common fuck up with modern remakes. The comedy has gone, the effects are “real” it’s now a possession/infection film and none of the movie flows. It’s all pretty random up until the last 10 minutes.

The first half of the movie seems to be random reboots of other horror movies, can you spot Sadako from Ringu (1998) The little scary Alessa from Silent Hill (2006), blood coughing from 28 Days Later (2002) and Drag me to Hell (2009) etc etc etc I know Afede Alvarez hasn’t made a lotta movies but come up with one original thing before you ruin a classic please! I think I’d rather watch an art house remake of this, something frame for frame! Pointless but it was funny to see it happen for Psycho (1960) / (1998).

I was forever checking the time to see when this film might end, ended up making a sandwich too. At least they didn’t make it a 3 hour epic.


Another thing that pissed me off, is that there is no clear hero, where is Ash!?!? We need Ash, this movie needs ASH! We had a tag team of the two lovers, one being demonic the other being the hero. I got all excited when the useless boyfriend went into the shed and started to rig up a device but what he came up with was no boom stick. When the retarded drug wench ripped her arm off, she didn’t attach the chain saw.. Why the fuck not?

Fuck it, I’m done, this movie sucks and blows.

Q: “Everything’s’ gonna be fine? Nothing’s fine, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but… everything’s been getting worse every second

Sounds like they are talking about the movie! WELL DONE!

BS : The end credits.



Last night’s movies 18-06-13

I really wasn’t taking much in last night, I’m not sure if it was the stormy humid weather or not but nothing was really sinking in.


So I tried watching Let Li’s Shaolin Temple (1982) it was okay but nothing like my favourite movie with the same name Shaolin Temple (1979) much better movie, still this one had it’s charms. The shepherdess was actually quite kick ass!

After dinner came Snowtown Murders (2011) A graphic and raw look at the 8 murders that occulted in a small Adelaide town. Reminiscent of lo fi British films like Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) or even some aspects of Gummo (1997) the movie often comes across as a documentary which enhances the brutal and horrific killings.

Dark Skies (2013)

(Horror, Thriller, Supernatural, Sci Fi, 2013) (15) D/W:Scott Stewart  1h 37m. USA.

TAGLINE : Once you’ve been chosen, you belong to them.

As the Barret family peaceful suburban life is rocked by an escalating series of disturbing events, they come to learn that a terrifying and deadly force is after them.

dark skies poster

I did kinda go into this one utterly blind,  I should have guessed it was going to be about aliens but I had hoped with all the hype that it would have entertained me for a few minutes at least. Nothing new learnt no scares and little to be interested about. I spent most of the time yelling at the TV like an old person. Who didn’t see all the cliché’s coming!? Pan back to view a huge open window.. of course something is gonna fly into it.. make it dramatic though, think Hitchcock and the Birds (1968) add some real scares in there!! Go on.. PLEASE. I got a bigger thrill from Fire in the Sky (1993), The Fourth Kind (2009) or even Signs (2002) For F*ck Sake!!

I know a lot of people really enjoyed this and it scared them but I would wager this is a new subject to the little teen generation, I dunno… I really don’t. This whole new wave of horror has been so piss poor, Insidious (2010), Dead Silence (2007) etc. were all terrible, like a bunch of After Dark Movies.

I guess growing up with a mother who reads von Däniken and devotedly listening to UFO podcasts etc. I have been exposed to a lot of these tales and this is the lamest.

Truly disappointed…

The final emo scene with the kids going through a pseudo silent hill reality check thing was annoying more than scary.

I think the Alien segment in VHS or VHS2 was more thrilling and shorter and had more plot and scares.. I dunno I guess someone people got together and made a movie, well done but next time make sure your firing on all cylinders first.



Last nights Movies 17-06-13


  • QUEEN OF BLOOD (1966)
  • PERFECT HOST (2010)

Pretty decent evening, lots of retro goodness and a amusing psychological thriller for the end.

Seven_Thunders_FilmPosterI started the night with a bloopers, I read the title (which was pretty worn.. ) as Beast of Mars.. turns out to be the  black and white treat of The Beasts of Marseilles(1957)! I knew the film as Seven Thunders (1957). A Brilliant visual thriller in the more bohemian areas of Marseilles,  where a group of prisoners or war escape and despite their presence being openly known to the locals, the hide away while awaiting a boat back to England, Obviously there are lots of f*ck up German officers after them and with lots of great movies, there are several other little stories playing alongside including a great tale involving the epic and charismatic James Robertson Justice!! All in all a beautiful movie. 8/10

Then onto Queen of Blood (1966) this was recommended by my movie buddy Captain Fantastico.. and it pretty awesome, I felt a bit sorry for ? as she had no name.. as the green body paint was making her eyes look a little sore but great movie, super concept and broke apart my theory that Lifeforce (1985) was the first vampires from space movie lol. 7/10

Finally.. The Perfect Host (2010) – There is lots going on in this movie, a little too much near the end which was a little disappointing but it doesn’t fail. Lots of tension and snippets of cringe worth disco dancing from David Hyde Pierce. 7/10

perfect host

PREDICTIONS : 28 Months Later



I hope I’m not the only one who isn’t sick of this saga just yet, while drinking in the Worlds End Pub ( I worked out what was going to happen with 28 weeks later and got laughed at but those fools soon paid up when we went to see the movie!! OH YEAH! I’m loosing hope on seeing any further movies made..

The last movie 28 Weeks Later left us with a Paris torn apart with “infected”. Now I’m guessing the infection would have spread across Europe pretty fast, that leaves America, Australia, Japan and other islands ok..

I’m guessing that Africa MIGHT be okay but I don’t we’ll see a black version on this in the near future.. although Resident Evil 5 does come to mind.. Right so we shall leave that chapter for a while..

So.. Humm..


What I would like to see is that the cast from the first movie are all hauled up in Europe feeling pretty cool then hear news about the infection and go back to basics to survive another plague, after all they have done it before right. The only problem with this is that the original movie had two endings so different people would be involved (I’m trying for no spoilers here.. ) So this idea would be cool but might not be able to get off the ground.


Okay lets stick with Europe for a while, we could have a German version, a French version, Italian version of different people survive, heck we could have a TV series, each season a different county in Europe being taken over by the infected!!


America and the rest of the world will be looking on as Europe is destroyed, maybe trying to evacuate people and fight the war.. maybe they could put down this infection, in the meantime people will start flocking to England as a safe haven island!

This one isn’t as easy at the others to predict, but I would guess the kids who have the carrier gene aren’t the only one, and will all infections they have a tendency to mutate and change into something else, I could imagine that the infection itself could become more stealthy so you wouldn’t know someone was infected by looking at their 2 weeks on the booze blood shot eyes.. What form would it take?


The infection mutates into a virus which is undedicated but will probably be transmitted by blood and saliva, I’m not sure what the purpose of it would be, and no doubt if anyone took this direction it would end up like a pseudo vampire movie with people biting each other to spread the disease. But this is the more likely line as it’s going to have to spread to America for the final movie I think..

Well you can tell that I think about movies WAY too much but I’m done with this for now, if I have any other ideas I’ll update!! In the meantime I’ll be thinking of the next chapter.


La Weekend 2013 June 3

Le Weekend

A quite weekend but not the best movie weekend… Still it ended with a band, note that Watchtower followed by the Lodger were he final movies of the night.

  • Mutant Hunt
  • Lost in the Desert
  • Paradise Lost – The child murders at robin hood hills
  • Rise of the planet of the apes
  • 24 Hour party people
  • Devilman
  • 23 – Nichts ise so wie es scheint
  • Into the abyss
  • Chernobyl Diaries
  • Tales from Gimli hospital
  • Apartment 143
  • Shrine
  • Watchtower
  • Murder set pieces
  • The Lodger

MUTANT HUNT  – 1980s lo fi sci fi at it’s best by being the worse! A beautiful Casio keyboard and guitar OST accompanies this imaginative but badly presented robotic sci fi flick.

LOST IN THE DESERT – One of those based on a real life story movies from South Africa. A young boy is stranded in the desert with his dog and wits.

PARADISE LOST – THE CHILD MURDERS AT  ROBIN HOOD HILLS – Another real life story event movie. This one was presented in a way where it took no sides and no prisoners, brutal photo of the murders in addition of real life interviews with all the people involved and court room footage.

RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES – I’m a bit late this this one but it was a good story, it had some progression and a good solid beginning to a old school sci fi classic.

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE – I’ve been meaning to see this film for so long purely due to Sean Harris preforming as Ian Curtis, there was more to the film than that, but nothing as amazing as his performance. Lots of cameo’s and well devised.

DEVILMAN 3 – OMG!! Finally found the third instalment of the Devilman saga!!!! The characters were a little weaker than the first two movies but then.. well I don’t want to spoil it but it didn’t matter how crap they were, still a great epic devil fight scene but poor movie compared to the others.

23 – NICHTS ISE SO WIE ES SCHEINT –  Yet another based on a real life story movie, this one is the original hackers, when kids/people used Commodores, phone lines and Atari’s to hack into systems.. add in drugs, paranoia and the number 23 and you have a tragic but wonderful introduction to cyber life and hacking.

INTO THE ABYSS –  I was on a role, another real life story of an incredibly young man and the crimes surrounding his final days on death row. Again this one does not point any fingers but allows everyone to have their say, it’s quite raw and there are some tears…

CHERNOBYL DIARIES – As recommended by a friend because it’s “quite good” I think he meant “crap”.. cheers buddy! The movie was okay but very predictable and lame at times. Very good bear scene though…

TALES FROM GIMLI HOSPITAL – Hello surrealism my old friend! A black and white theatrical, almost David Lynch style story. Very visual and like no other. It’s often I see two men wrestling with bleedy buttocks..

APARTMENT 143 –  Supernatural horror, part ghostly, part possession, pseudo found footage. Nothing new for the genre but watchable.

SHRINE –  One good scene with a statue which is reminiscent of Dr Who.. the rest of the movie was poorly delivered and boring.

WATCHTOWER – I’m a fan of quite long shot slow drama and this was AMAZING!! I love this movie, it has so much going on under the surface, it’s beautiful if not slightly difficult to watch..

MURDER SET PIECES – A movie from the top 50 disturbing list.. it’s okay.. there is a slight story going on.. but most of it is random boobs, blood and screaming in German.. it’s okay for gore lovers, like Guiney Pig 2 but with less character. Great cameo from Tony Todd

THE LODGER – Alfred Hitchcock classed this as his first movie (twas the third) It is amazing from beginning to end and will never loose it’s impact.
GAH! so many movies.. I forgot..

JOYEUX NOEL – It’s a great movie but the badly lip synched singing really peeved me off.. apart from that a great great movie.. if your into WW1 shizzle

Man Borg (2011)


(Action, Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy, Horror, Sci Fi, 2011) (15) D : Steven Kostanski W : Jeremy Gillespie. 1h. Canada.

A Soldier, brought back to life as a cyborg, fights alongside a band of adventurers against demon hordes in a dystopian future.

TAGLINE : Revenge is Back.

Basic plot is this.. in the not so distant future there is a war between man kind and hell!! Our lead is killed… cut scene, in a the future he awakens and Hell have won the war, there are monsters and hell beasts everywhere terrorising mankind in every way, out hero has been spliced with machine and must fight in an arena with his new found friends to conquer Lord Draculon…


When I saw the preview for this film it looked like a low budget version of Hardware (1990) mixed with claymation work… which would work for me.. When I started watching it became apparent I was watching the boyhood dream film made by a bunch of 7 year old kids from the 80’s high on meths… and that works for me.

If you could imagine a few kids with a couple of manga toys, a robot toy melted to a GI Joe doll, a generic kung fu toy and a modified skeletor figure.. playing a game and making things up as they go along and filming it.. that is this movie! I think you can hear them making light saber and kapow noises in the sound effects!?

If you love pulp films, Troma or just inventive comic stuff,  if  you watched Liquid Television, or listened to Gwar you’ll understand how great this film is. Big budgets and expensive effects don’t tell a story. It’s the personality and character of the cast that can carry a great film.

After the initial shock sets in.. You gotta love Manborg! It’s one of those movies that’s so bad it’s good. Not to be taken seriously, settle back, drink some beers, have a smoke and enjoy this with your friends, it’s only an hour long, you can watch it twice!

Q : “You dick!”


“Shall we finish cooking this delicious meal?”

“I just wanna die”

“We have so much in common”

R: Mutant Chronicles (2008), Lexx (1997), Power Rangers, Liquid Television (  

TIL : No matter how evil a “thing” is, it can still fall in love.

BS : Any scene with the Kung Fu guy  who’s actually called “#1 Man” who had a strange dubbed voice which makes me giggle like a kid every time.. I need help.



Hummingbird / Redemption (2013)


(Drama, Action, 2013)(15) D/W : Steven Knight C : Jason Statham. 1h 40m. UK.

Homeless and on the run from a military court martial, a damaged ex-special forces soldier navigating London’s criminal underworld seizes an opportunity to assume another mans identity – transforming into an avenging angel in the process.


I get the impression that this was supposed to be the movie to prove that Jason Statham is more than just an action hero but Steven Knight got the formula right but proved nothing with this mundane movie. I decided to watch this to get away from the drama and I just wanted a non thinking action/violence flick.. I was disappointed.

The movie is full of unlikely events for example while running from a gang in central London Statham just happens to chance upon a totally empty apartment, without realising it he cleans up, showers, changes clothes etc.. most people would be more aware of owners impending return.. and he doesn’t realise that it’s going to be empty for some time until the morning after.. no matter move along..

Hummingbird doesn’t really live up to the potential of either the Statham or Knight, they have wowed audiences with brilliant films such as Eastern Promises (2007) and Transporter (2002). But all the situations just don’t add up, Statham isn’t bad but he seems awkward showing this other side here. Rather than blending any of the realism of the London streets into the movie, all the characters and situations seem aloof to what we see everyday. On top of that the nun’s back story, as tragic as it is; gives a shock but stacked on top of all the other implausibilites, just causes the movie to become even MORE unbelievable.

The movie could have been a slick ride, it has all the elements of a really good Korean style crime flick gone big smoke style, ex special forces, triad gang, a nun.. drugs, prostitution etc.. but the director and cast struggle to tie them all together in a meaningful way.

BS : My favourite scene in this movie which I thought might be a theme for the damaged Statham character is when he’s half asleep and the buzzing flies in the kitchen morph into helicopters and a battle emerges, Statham then envisions a hanging man and stats to shoot him, but the gun turns into a lamp stand and everything returns to reality.


Last night movies 13-06-13

Woah it was going to be a two movie and tales of the unexpected evening but it turned out to be a crazy domestic night instead…

I must remember to never make plans.


Either way I managed to fit in two movies and tales of the unexpected! I found a copy of Please Don’t Touch Me (1963) which is a pretty awesome pyschotronic movie but it’s only an hour long and I decided to give Shakespeare another bash.. I wish I could literally bash him..  But it was one of the more bloody stories and it’s was pretty good.. for Shakey and Coriolanus (2011) for the win!


Psychotronic Cinema