I’ve never liked Christian Bale, I dunno what it is about his muppet face but I just want to kick it, but in all fairness he’s a pretty dedicated actor but I wouldn’t want to have lunch with the man. His dedication usually comes in the guise of his body transformations for his roles and darn it, the boy can act, he ain’t perfect a English accent but he does put some effort into his numerous character roles and when he’s not taking himself too serious he’s top notch, but he just has a muppet face.. and in NO particular order here are 5 selected Bale flicks.. Continue reading 5 Selected – Christian Bale
I was totally reluctant to see this and it did take a couple of years for me to finally give in as it was on Film4 and generally they don’t fuck around with shit films.. generally.. The movie was never going to be as good as the comics, and very few comic remakes are that good, and on top of this Mr Keanu (I’m a wooden puppet) Reeves is cast as the lead and I stepped back crying OH HELL NO, until i realised Tilda Swinton had a small part and decided it would be worth it to perve on her.
Hellblazer.. *ahem* I mean John Constantine is like a detective/guardian who deals with all things religiously supernatural, demonic possession, angels and demons who try to interfere a little too much etc etc, with the help of his ambitious sidekick he’s onto something big here that leads him almost straight into hell and to Devil himself. After rescuing a young girl from a demon a little secret is let out, and John is on the case of trying to stop one of the devils sons from coming back to burn this earth and claim it for his own. Dect Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) has recently lost her twin sister to suicide and through messages left behind and Constantine’s help the pair are in for a wild ride as they try to decipher the mysteries of Hell’s army. Continue reading Constantine (2005)
The aim of the game is to list my Halloween Countdown for 2015, as it’s the first year of doing this it’s going to be classic favorites and GOAT movies but next year I suppose things might get a little harder.. but anyway here goes with the list.
I shall amend this list each day as I post new items…
Who is the king of horror!!?
I’m going to try and NOT be biased here.. and it’s going to be difficult. I have read a great many of Clive Barker’s books and I struggle with Stephen King, I know it’s lame but apart from a few shorter stories I generally experience King through the Cinema rather than through pages of a book. Despite this I have been a long time fan of both directors but Clive always has an edge that I deeply appreciate.
Now that’s clear I’ll clarify one other thing, I’m only judging films side of each creative writer here, I’m pretty sure King has written more books than Barker, and likewise Barker has probably had more art exhibitions than King. But both men have written and produced vast quantities of ideas that have fuelled many exceptional films.
So what have they given us!?
Clive Barker W:31 P:16 D:6 A:10
Notable works: Hellraiser, Rawhead Rex, Nightbreed, Candyman, Lord of Illusions, Midnight Meat Train etc…
Stephen King W:200 P:13 D:0 A:20
Notable works: Carrie, Salem’s Lot, Creepshow, Cujo, Christine, Firestarter, Children of the Corn, Cats Eye, Silver Bullet, Running Man, Misery, IT, Sometimes they come back, Stand by me, Tommyknockers, Needful Things, The Stand, Mangler, Dolores Claiborne, Dreamcatcher etc…
Key: W: ritten P:Produced D:Directed A:Actor.
WOW okay.. now where do we take this! Yes King has produced a lot more work, but not all of it has been horror, oh wait hold on.. it falls within the horror category, okay, so because he’s produced more he wins hands down!? Hell no, we’re going to give him 0-1 and then investigate further.
Clive Barker has given us some cult classics in Hellraiser (1987) and the iconic PinHead character. He re-created a whole new brand of horror in a similar way that HP Lovecraft gave us a whole new horror universe to work with, Barker gave us a new hell and a whole new pain devil to show us the sights. On the other hand King tends to work with our oldest fears, reinventing them in new creepy ways. He gave us the playful Pennywise Clown from It (1990), Annie Wilks from Misery (1990) the classic haunted car Christine (1983) and many more. Obviously King had given us a lot more memorable characters as he’s produced more but who’s really the most iconic?
Hate me all you like but I’m going to have to give this round to Clive, I give King full credits for making clowns scary again but honestly, they were always scary, Pennywise was a terrifying beast but only because most people fear clowns anyway, he was simply adding to the nightmare fuel, Annie Wilks creeps the bejesus out of any abled man, but she wasn’t anything new. While on the other hand, swinging out of the hell corner, Mr Barker introduces a pantheon of hellish new beasts to play with. Including the Cenobites and Whatever was in the Midnight Meat Train (2008) and the Book of Blood (2009) and the children of the moon who used to reside in Midian in the classic Nightbreed (1990), have spawned on a range of spin offs and cosplay etc, while you can also argue that King has given us some pretty strange shapeshifting aliens in Dreamcatcher (2003), again they are just aliens, but I do admit they were somewhat distinctive. These are new characters at least for this reason I’m going to have to give him the round. But only the king of horror can dream up Rawhead Rex.. whatever he was!? *shudder* So that’s 1-1.
Clive Barker has directed before and is has more films in the pipeline while King had never taken the bull by the horns and given even a short movie a try. I think he would be amazing if he turned his mind to it. But sadly he’s not really branched out in that way and therefore 1-2.
King likes to work with people in making his dream come true and is invaluable on set with his creative ideas Barker gets in there as well. To be honest either would be an asset to any film set that is working on one of their productions. I’m tempted to call this a tie but if I had to pick a side I think Clive has done a few more and considering he’s got fewer titles under his belt this totally outdoes King. Soooo 2-2
Appearances are everything. For me seeing a director on the big screen is pretty awesome, obviously Hitchcock and M Night Shyamalan have taken it to the limit (yeah I feel another list coming on), but now and again someone will crop up, when I was younger I couldn’t afford magazines and stuff so I didn’t always realise when I had seen someone from behind the scenes. When it comes to these two superheroes I have to admit that I had my wits about me and could recognise these dudes from an early age. Barker has made a lot of appearances and it’s great to see him but he can’t outdo Kings crazy performances in the Creepshow (1982) movies, especially as Jordy Verrill, let alone all of the other cameos. I think that might be the finishing blow 2-3
King is the King!
Please bear in mind this is just a bit of movie fun, both men are hero’s in what they do and no faults can be found in either really, Barker will always be that little bit closer to my heart but I couldn’t imagine horror cinema without either of them.
Today I popped into one of my local thrift stores and picked up a few films, total cost, a fiver!
So what did I find?
01 – Burn after reading ×
02 – Cloverfield
03 – the Forth kind
04 – the Trial×
05 – Black moon rising
01 – Burn after reading × this is a new one which I will eventually watch, the Cohen brothers are probably one of my favorite director duos but it takes me a while to watch one of their comedies.
02 – Cloverfield – I only watched this for the first time a week ago, I missed the beginning so. Thought it might be worth getting to see all the way through, I thought it was a Godzilla style movie but was impressed with the creature so I might watch this again… And again!
03 – The forth kind – loved this movie from the get go, had to make do with borrowing from a friend until now. If I were to expand on my list of films that scare me, then this would probably be on that list! Real footage melded with movie footage of a dairy from an abductee. Chilling stuff,…
04 – the Trial× Another new film, I’m a big Hopkins fan so I hope this will be worth the squid.
05 – Black moon rising – I vaguely remember this from my youth, hopefully it will still be awesome!
So after watching Bad Milo (2013) I thought maybe a bit of toilet humor would be in order, after all I’m British and I love this shit.. OOOH PUN time…
Here are a few movies that have helped install the fear of the toilet within all of us. I think there is a time and place in all of our lives where we may have feared the toilet in some way, the sound of the flush or what we might find in it, real or otherwise might just have freaked us out over time. The official name is Parcopresis and i’m sure it can be an irrational fear as well as from terrible childhood memories such as where we flushed poor Mr Moby Dick away.. Probably the best time to mention Dexters Labatory episode Filet of Soul.
01. Bad Milo (2013)
Ok this is the movie starting this all off, why? well Bad Milo (2013) is a movie about a some kind of intestine/poo demon and therefore there is a lot of poo/toilet humor in the film and the cutest poo demon ever, I actually kinda want one..I won’t mind him spraying poo over me now and again as long as he kills and eats my enemies. I particularly loved the scene where Milo and his Duncan are in exile and end up chilling out and watching TV together etc.. SO CUTE!!!
02. I brought a vampire motorcycle (1990)
This movie is a British Cult Classic and deserves a mention, it doesn’t have a lot toilet scenes but it does have one of the most memorable. The lead character has just lost his friend to a killer motorbike and the night after the funeral descides to drop a load.. then mysteriously he can hear his friend calling him.. from the dead?? no from the toilet bowl.. he looks down and… (vom).
03. Dreamcatcher (2003)
It was mentioned (in the extras) to this movie that the writer/directors wanted to make the bathroom scene do for toilets what psycho did for showers so there was a huge emphasis on a particular bloody ass scene. I’d like to say that it was very right. After all it’s the first place that we might notice something is wrong with us and I would definitely think there was something wrong if I encountered a dead man and an alien in my toilet.
04. Ghoulies (1985)
No brainer here.. a bunch of toilet demons.. the video cover used to scare me as a child I think I spent a lotta time never going anywhere near the bathroom after dark once i had seen that on the video bus 😦
05. Trainspotting (1996)
Best toilet in Scotland.. I must say it stuck in my mind.. even though I’ve never found a toilet like this IN Scotland I do always think of Trainspotting/Scotland when I do find a toilet in this state, which is terrible i know.. If anything in this movie was going to steer you away from taking drugs it would be this scene.
06. ABC’s of Death (2012)
I don’t want to give away anything to do with the ABC’s of death if you haven’t seen the film, but it was published that T was up for grabs in a competition and the winners video is now a feautre of the movie, and it was mentioned that T is for Toilet.. but there are a few other toilet scenes and you’ll have to check out the movie to find out.
07. Candyman (1992)
I nearly always forget about the toilet references in candyman, but there are quite a few bathroom scenes, including the abandoned block and the toilet filled with bees and the public toilet myth and reality scenes.. Stopped me from using public toilets for a while.. don’t wanna get my bits cut off innit.
Righto kiddies that’s about all for now but if I think of anymore I will add them to the list.
I have been away from this for so long, But never fear I’ve still been watching a silly amount of movies and for some reason Full Metal Jousting!!
I’ve got a lot of catching up to do so here it goes!
La Weekend July 3
- THE EAGLE
- EYE OF THE BEAST
- ZEITGEIST : MOVING FORWARDS
- PARADISE LOST 3
- ATTACK THE BLOCK
- REC 2
The Eagle – I remember this coming out at the same time as a lot of other Romanesque movies, but apparently this one was WAY better, needless to say I saw it last and it was basically identical to Centurion.. but with more homo action. Don’t get me wrong I’ve got nothing against gay peeps at all.. but I was hoping for Billy Elliot to make out is all.. Humm.. a bit boring really..
Eye of the beast – Some schit happened I suppose.. A schithole of a port is attacked by a Kracken style sea monster.. Kinda like Jaws with tentacles.. but not as dynamic as Sharkopus.. or great acting, or a great story or a great anything.. next please.
Zeitgeist : moving Forwards – FCUK ME! You know those movies that change your perception on life..well this is one of those! It’s a Documovie but makes so much sense.. It’s long but I do recommend that everyone watches this and check out the website – http://www.zeitgeistmovingforward.com/
Predator – I needed a bit of comfort and for Billy to get me out of this HOLE billy! I will wank over this movie at a later date as I’m sure everyone has seen it.
Wasteland – This movie stated out with a lot of promise, gritty brit flick, lots of familiar faces, great acting, but what a fag ending.. I love a good twist at the end or a great reveal like Unusual suspects (1995), but this twists and turns like a muvafcker and after the third one I just didn’t care anymore and it ruined it for me.
Paradise Lost 3 – I couldn’t find the second instalment but as it’s all based on real events I don’t feel that I’ve missed anything seeing the pre jail and freedom story. Still a VERY good film and told in the best way possible.
Attack the Block – I have been meaning to see this for some time, I was a bit reluctant to watch due to the comedy roots of the director but it was bearable.. The effects were amazing and the tension of the chase spot on.
Rec 2 – I watched this with my mummy so I could ensure my safety and that I could have someone to mop up my pee.. this still scares my pants off (lights on tonight). Amazing Spanish zombie/possession movie. I do adore that the take on the zombies were enforced as being demonic possession in this series.
It was a pretty busy night.. but not a lot of movie watching.. but what I did watch was very good. Quality not Quantity!!
- The Devils (1971) followed by..
- Viy (1967)
Then I finished the night by watching the end of Snowtown Murders .. which is still actually quite scary and strangely hypnotic.
Anyway it was a great night, two VERY good movies, the first was The Devils (1971) which I had seen before in my teens and attempted to watch the night before but failed totally.. never mind I always get there in the end. Oliver Reed at his best and the wonderfully demented Vanessa Redgrave, beautiful and crazy in love.
Followed by Viy (1971) which was amazing!!! I really loved this movie, I learnt about the Viy story after a friend of a friend did a Viy styled photo-shoot. But it was a very imaginative adaptation of the Nikolai Gogol book. It is a bit dated now, the effects are still quite stunning and in the vein of something you’d exptect from the early 70’s. The style reminded me a little bit of The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967).
I really wasn’t taking much in last night, I’m not sure if it was the stormy humid weather or not but nothing was really sinking in.
So I tried watching Let Li’s Shaolin Temple (1982) it was okay but nothing like my favourite movie with the same name Shaolin Temple (1979) much better movie, still this one had it’s charms. The shepherdess was actually quite kick ass!
After dinner came Snowtown Murders (2011) A graphic and raw look at the 8 murders that occulted in a small Adelaide town. Reminiscent of lo fi British films like Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) or even some aspects of Gummo (1997) the movie often comes across as a documentary which enhances the brutal and horrific killings.
Pretty uneventful weekend but one that I spend a lot of time working out and spending time with my mama. I did re discover tales of the unexpected which took up a lot of my time but there is no point in reviewing each one, I might do it season by season.
- JAWS 2
- GET CARTER
- CABIN IN THE WOODS
- MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH
- JAWS OF SATAN (COBRA)
- HAMMER OF THE GODS
- WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
- THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS
- REQUIEM FOR A DREAM
- THE LODGER
JAWS 2 – I always find it odd that they did such an amazingly good job with the first movie but then really make the second look like a fake crap shark!? I worked out why none of the other movies are as good as the first, it’s simply missing Quint! “Here’s to swimming with bow legged women”.
*GET CARTER – I don’t often watch remakes and this is another reason why! I tried really hard not to swear at my TV during the whole movie.. I gave up after the first 20 minutes.
*CABIN IN THE WOODS –
recommended by a good movie buddy Gav(meister), and he’s right it is a good movie, not a GREAT movie but I really did enjoy seeing the hordes of monsters. I was first put off by the sci fi element in a cabin movie but in the end I really enjoyed it.
MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH – I never get sick of this movie, it’s a pleasure to watch. Lavish colours, great plot and if you have great DVD controls a dubstepping dwarf.
PROMETHEUS – Mama hadn’t seen this, despite it being in the house for so long, after a long discussion about robots and how they shouldn’t be pricks we eventually watched the film. I do like the film but I get really annoyed that it doesn’t answer any questions.
*JAWS OF SATAN (COBRA) –Oh!! I’ve had this on the to watch list for a week or two.. I was hoping for an old school gem, but instead I got a comedy.. but a few beers and it’s quite enjoyable.
CREEPSHOW – another film I never tire of even though I know it all off by heart! I wish we could have some more creepshows.. I fear that modern cinema would balls it all up but you gotta keep the dream alive.
*HAMMER OF THE GODS – It was hard watching this because it was so bad but I like to give everything a chance..
*WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT – I had a lot of expectations for this movie, I was hoping for dodgy retro prints, council fireplaces and things being chucked around the room and it did not fail to supply that, sadly for some reason my end credits were in German!???
*THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS– One of my little sisters newest all time favourite movies, it’s not Hell Ride BUT it is a brilliant thrill ride!
*REQUIEM FOR A DREAM – I think this is on the disturbing list.. not sure why!? It tackles a few difficult subjects but they aren’t anything which isn’t already commonplace? I know it’s hard for some people to look into the lives of addicts but addiction isn’t all that rare. Maybe I’m too hardcore.
*THE LODGER – urgh I thought this was the Alfred Hitchcock 1920’s movie it has that cover.. but this is the 1940’s movie!!! How do people get away with this. Either way it still tells a creepy story about a mysterious lodger during the Jack the Ripper killing season.
Reviews to come..