Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (2011)

Day 21 of 31

Director: Jim Wynorski
Starring : Dominique Swain, Traci Lords. USA.  1h 40m

I understand that this is the era of terribly non scary movies which are so pathetic they are laughable but some of them still manage to entertain or at least flash us some boobs.

yeah this is standard prison uniform for chicks,,

First there was Sharknado (2013) (I think) then there were so many Shark somethings that it all blended into one mass of Sharkstuff.. then the evil beats of childish combinations came out the woodwork.. lavalantula, mega crocs and I lost the will to live, as along with this zombies we bring everything and the world was going full retard for this shit.. I have to admit that a couple of these are guilty pleasures but this one is just nonsensical shit that had me shouting at the screen and rolling my eyes until i felt like i had been on a 1h 40m rollercoaster ride with the squits.

So some ancient sharks have been released after a picturesque landscape has been mindlessly fracked by the government, for frack sake.. so now these amazing prehistoric sharks are on the lose and somehow “swimming” through the dirt and no churning it up!? At first it’s ALMOST plausible as the sharks are just in shallow water but by the end of the film the only they can’t swim through is solid rock.. So all of this happens while a group of women attempt to escape from prison detail and while they are on the run with officer bumbling idiot but has a good heart on their tail they soon have to band together and fight a common enemy.

The bare bones is that it’s a terrible idea that will never work, appalling graphics, moronic humor and not enough tits to make up for being so insulting. Weak characters and no charm like Sharknado and not even all that watchable as it’s so pathetic and illogical. On the plus side … humm on the plus side.. I guess in some ways you could laugh at how weak it is!? I was at a loss and am thankful that I never have to see it again, it was a painful waste of energy for me, and I was surprised to see Traci Lords  make an appearance, as I’m sure she can’t be THAT broke?. Some of these cheap purposely terrible “horror” films are ok, and I know a lot of people struggle with original ideas and remakes are a dime a dozen, but I’m really falling out of love with this style of movie. I have always adored B-Movies but with things like Mad Max (1979)  and even Evil Dead (1981), you’ve got people who are at least trying to make a decent movie. If you’re doing a search for the worst you could certainly add this mess into the mix.

 

 

Rating 1/0 ← i struggle giving this a rating.
R – Sharknado (2013), Sharknado 2 (2014), Lavalantula (2015)