Tag Archives: reviews

Last Night Movies 06.01.2016

 

Pretty rubbish start to the near year for me, but after a big of a traumatic hospital visit I tried settling down at the end of the week I relaxed to a couple of classics…

First film of the night…

excalibur

Excalibur (1981)

This has been one of my all time favourites since I was a wee bairn, I had a copy on Betamax on my aged top loader and have been addicted to it since. This dramatic fantasy film is heavily inspired by alternative 70’s culture, this gem from  John Boorman, based on Le Morte d’Arthur by Thomas Malory. There is a crystal sharp glare that brings up all the metal and the elaborate sets are incredibly detailed. The feeling like a dream, being slightly over theatrical, this film is a who’s who of british acting. It’s a near perfect translation of the book, and is a seductive for the eyes and ears as it’s one film that managed to use O Fortuna before it became too cliche. Bus King Arthur recognises his destiny and his connection with the physical land that he rules, a new religion is coming into place but his trusted friend and advisor Merlin is his amazing shiny skull cap helps him battle the evil forces that his sister is using against him. Continue reading Last Night Movies 06.01.2016

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10 films NOT to watch on a first date

I think I started this list last April so it’s been a long time coming, Everyone is writing valentine movie lists and I’m more concerned with sociopaths…. I’ve had some pretty awful first dates, and a few of them have included a movie, now I know a lot of people go by the book and attempt to impress a girl by taking them to a “romantic” movie, whereas I’m more interesting in seeing something that I’d enjoy like Predator (1987) which was one of my choices a few years ago at a nostalgia night and turned out to be an awesome night.. if not all that romantic.. no prizes for guessing correctly that I’m single..

So here are some anti-valentines movies for twisted perverts who have no romantic bones in them and who really want to unnerve a date and/or attract a fellow psycho! Continue reading 10 films NOT to watch on a first date

La weekend MAY 5

It was a long weekend with hardly any sleep so plenty of films watched, I think I got my total for the month to 87!

oculus-movie-poster-5013

Running man 7/10

*Campire Tales 7/10

Barbarella 10/10

*Hobsons Choice 9/10

Black Hawk Down 8/10

*Mikey 6/10

*Ghost Rider : Spirit of sommit 3/10

*Juggernaut 8/10

*300 Rise of an empire 6/10

Seven Swords 9/10

*Oculus 7/10

Die Hard 4.0 6/10

*The Trial 5/10

*=new


BARBARELLA-2

 

Running man 7/10 – All time favourite sci fi film, it’s not accurate and has plot holes and isn’t brilliantly acted, but it’s fun and I love it and I feel no guilt.

*Campire Tales 7/10 – horror anthology, sadly it’s most of the urban legend stories that got really boring in the 90’s but I still like it. It’s just a bit of fun. Sweethearts with claws hanging on their car after a quick exit, ghosts, werewolves and all sorts going on.

Barbarella 10/10 – another fun movie, and one of my childhood favourites, I am totally in love with the Great Tyrant.. psychedelic nonsense and smexy fun 😀 also while watching this I remembered that I need to find a copy of Blueberry the Psychdelic Western!!

*Hobsons Choice 9/10 – Settled down with my mother for a bit, she pulled this out of her collection.  It’s a great story with some trippy DT drunken scenes and the ever so talented Charles Laughton at his best.

Black Hawk Down 8/10  – apparently a man film, so I popped my Johnson out and watched with glee..

*Mikey 6/10 – This movie is/was banned and I understand why but it’s so tame now.. basically a child psycho who’s too cute to be thought of as a cold killer but I would have punched his face in a long time ago.

*Ghost Rider : Spirit of sommit 3/10 – Nic cage does stuff, but Idris Elba is amazing with his lil French accent! Wine drinking crazy guy!! Huzzah Elba.

*Juggernaut 8/10 – I can’t believe I had never heard of this before. Directed by the guy who did the early Mustekeer movies and features all the cream of 1970’s Brit acting, a series of bombs are planted on a cruise ship by the Juggernaut and a team of awesome guys are dropped in to disarm them.. it’s better than that made it out to be. Tense psychological thriller innit.

*300 Rise of an empire 6/10 – what the f*ck!? It’s watchable, made little sense and was no improvement on the first movie.. but there are a few good action scenes.. even if the fake oceans and blood are OTT.

Seven Swords 9/10 – East Asian epic based on a long running tv show, more swordplay than a epic swordplay thing. It’s a clever action mystery.

*Oculus 7/10 – Oooh.. this could have been scary.. like REALLY scary but instead it was a bit creepy… Still some interesting ideas on haunted mirrors, sadly missed on the gore and gave us weak family drama instead of bulking up on carnage.

Die Hard 4.0 6/10 – everyone knows this one, it’s like Die Hard IT edition.

*The Trial 5/10 – I don’t even what the?

runningman

 

Campfire Tales poster

LA WEEKEND MAY 3

A long and hot weekend but some good filmage. Sadly I managed to pick up a Belgium movie with no subtitles!! Ideas people??

Killing Season

  • Killing Season
  • Bully
  • Twilight – Eclipse
  • X Men First Class
  • A Fistful of Dollars
  • *Cloverfield
  • Grimm Love
  • Phantasm
  • Dog Soldiers
  • *Zombie Holocaust.
  • Dorian Grey

Killing Season – this was unusual, I was expecting, I only knew that Robert De Niro was in the movie but Travolta!! REALLY, the hair implants are looking good but sadly the part should have been given to Scott Adkins and made into a brutal truth kinda film. Still it was fun to watch.

Bully – back to the brutal, crazy teenage violence and debauchery, just how I like it. Makes me happy to be old.

Twilight – Eclipse – Yeah I watched it AGAIN I love a good romance, actually what I prefer to do is turn the sound down and dub it myself..

X Men First Class – Now this is everything we expect for a prequel, it’s a bit family friendly and lets face it, those were dark days in the x men history, Still it would have been nice to see more taken from the comics and less clothes on Jason Flemyng please..

A Fistful of Dollars – Oh wow.. I forgot about how awesome this film is. The only person missing from this is franco the a$$hole nero but otherwise perfection.. simple perfection.

*Cloverfield  – would you believe it, I had avoided Cloverfield until now!! I thought it was Rubberduckzilla killing everyone.. but it was something else.. something much smellier.. I’d imagine.. It was okay for a found footage film, not the best, the camera the guy picked up just happened to be better than anything in holywood aint that great and err.. it never got cracked or dirty how awesome! There are flaws but otherwise it’s pretty entertaining.

Grimm Love – killer BJ’s and general nastyness, hey did you know that I talked with the cannibal this is based on.. he’s a really nice guy!

Phantasm – OH I’ve not seen this since the days of VHS! So there were a few moments I didn’t remember, the whole movie plays like a really bad dream which is always a plus in my books. It was good to catch up, just gotta watch the next 8 movies or sommit now.

Dog Soldiers – I don’t need to talk about this one do I?? It should have been part of the Hammer Horror revival, but got binned then picked up by a more creative team. Great film, about as much comedy as I can handle in one horror film.

*Zombie Holocaust. – A new one for me!!  Same islands, natives, hero’s, director, special effects team and OST as many other Zombie movies but so cool, anyone notice that the doctor looks like a hobo version of Harvey Keital?

Dorian Grey – last movie of the weekend it was 2am but strangely I remember watching the film  before and thinking it was a massive failure but it wasn’t that bad.. I still think that it needed more of an OST some charm and character and Dorian could have been a real bad boy but it will continue to be a hard story to entertain for me. I am still in love with the original.

Dorian Gray

La Weekend July 3

I’m BACK!

I have been away from this for so long, But never fear I’ve still been watching a silly amount of movies and for some reason Full Metal Jousting!!

I’ve got a lot of catching up to do so here it goes!

La Weekend July 3

  • THE EAGLE
  • EYE OF THE BEAST
  • ZEITGEIST : MOVING FORWARDS
  • PREDATOR
  • WASTELAND
  • PARADISE LOST 3
  • ATTACK THE BLOCK
  • REC 2

The Eagle – I remember this coming out at the same time as a lot of other Romanesque movies, but apparently this one was WAY better, needless to say I saw it last and it was basically identical to Centurion.. but with more homo action. Don’t get me wrong I’ve got nothing against gay peeps at all.. but I was hoping for Billy Elliot to make out is all.. Humm.. a bit boring really..

Eye of the beast – Some schit happened I suppose.. A schithole of a port is attacked by a Kracken style sea monster.. Kinda like Jaws with tentacles.. but not as dynamic as Sharkopus.. or great acting, or a great story or a great anything.. next please.

Zeitgeist : moving Forwards – FCUK ME! You know those movies that change your perception on life..well this is one of those! It’s a Documovie but makes so much sense.. It’s long but I do recommend that everyone watches this and check out the website – http://www.zeitgeistmovingforward.com/

Zeitgeist moving forward.png

Predator – I needed a bit of comfort and for Billy to get me out of this HOLE billy! I will wank over this movie at a later date as I’m sure everyone has seen it.

predator-film

Wasteland – This movie stated out with a lot of promise, gritty brit flick, lots of familiar faces, great acting, but what a fag ending.. I love a good twist at the end or a great reveal like Unusual suspects (1995), but this twists and turns like a muvafcker and after the third one I just didn’t care anymore and it ruined it for me.

Paradise Lost 3 – I couldn’t find the second instalment but as it’s all based on real events I don’t feel that I’ve missed anything seeing the pre jail and freedom story. Still a VERY good film and told in the best way possible.

Attack the Block – I have been meaning to see this for some time, I was a bit reluctant to watch due to the comedy roots of the director but it was bearable.. The effects were amazing and the tension of the chase spot on.

attack-the-block-51c8b2aea695c

Rec 2 – I watched this with my mummy so I could ensure my safety and that I could have someone to mop up my pee.. this still scares my pants off (lights on tonight). Amazing Spanish zombie/possession movie. I do adore that the take on the zombies were enforced as being demonic possession in this series.

 

LAST NIGHT’S MOVIES 24 JUNE 2013

  • DEVILS DOUBLE
  • HATCHET III
  • THE DEVILS – part of

DEVILS DOUBLE – finally got to the end of this flick, it tells an unusual story in a well crafted way. Despite seeing the ending a mile away it’s still interesting to watch. The short schizophrenic outburst of violence are actually quite shocking and graphic, but overall it’s quite a heart warming movie of right and crazy wrong.

devils-double-uk-poster

HATCHET III – The final movie?? I hope so, I wouldn’t want to see this buildinto something like SAW, there is only so many series we need in the horror genre and I think Victor has lived a good life or is that death?! I dunno.. Either way it was an okay ending to the saga bit less boobs that I had expected. The first movie had it all, humour, horror, scares, jumps, gore, comedy etc etc.. then it slowly dwindled into lo fi horror and lost it’s spark. I liked the fact that it carried on with the old school horror movie ideals in a modern way without trying to be new and it worked so very well!

hatchet3-banner

THE DEVILS – part of

I have seen this before but it was a long time ago, but sadly after my weights session I did drop off .. I feel so bad because I love Oliver Reed, but I shall continue tonight.

devils

LA WEEKEND 2013 JUNE 3

It was a long weekend and I did a lot of travelling but I also did a lot of movie watching!

I visited my favourite lil cinema in chinatown!

We are open

  • NO ONE LIVES
  • KYNODONTAS/DOGTOOTH
  • THE BOUNTY
  • PUMPING IRON
  • PUMPING IRON II
  • RETURN OF SABATA
  • HOWLING 2 – YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF
  • THE CREEPING FLESH
  • WORLD WAR Z
  • HATCHET II
  • THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY
  • NIGHT TRAIN MURDERS – missed the end L
  • THE DEVILS ADVOCATE
  • THE DEVILS DOUBLE – only watched half L

 

NO ONE LIVES – I had no idea about this film it just kinda cropped up. It does have a cool, slightly alternative story, it was just executed poorly, it kinda plays like the early part of Devil’s Rejects in reverse with a few Saw traps.

KYNODONTAS/DOGTOOTH – This movie instantly gets a 10/10 from me. It’s films like that I live for! Strange situations, obscure dialogue, totally unique and a fresh breath of cinema air.

dogtooth

THE BOUNTY – I’m trying to work out a “five best moments” post for my main cinema man Sir Anthony Hopkins! So I’m catching up on a few films I missed along the way. For a remake this was pretty good.

PUMPING IRON – I don’t know if anyone is aware on here but I started weight lifting as part of my “new me” programme about 5 weeks ago, my new weights were ordered while watching this! Although I have to admit that I wasn’t quite expecting so much cumming lol

PUMPING IRON II – luckily there is a lady version too! I was a bit upset with the god girl, how sad can one person be but I was routing for the Auzzie lass to be honest, she’s the only one who looked like she had any balls to become anything new…

RETURN OF SABATA – I’ve watched this so many times but always miss bits I will rewatch again and pay more attention but not as good as Sabata..

HOWLING 2 – YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF – WTF is this all about! I loved howling and have been watching all the sequels (in no order, just as I find them) and despite the Christopher Lee scenes it’s pretty pants, lots of snarling and hair though.. pretty 80’s.

THE CREEPING FLESH – Old school favourite movie!!! I adored this as a kid, despite the monster freaking me out A LOT! But it still is amazing to watch Cushing and Lee had such a rapport.

WORLD WAR Z – I gave in to see how they butchered the book and it looks like it’s going to be World War Z part 2.. it’s an ok movie, a little far fetched but hey it’s sci fi.. I don’t think it’s going to down in cinema history for anything spectacular.

world-war-z1

HATCHET II – talking about Part 2.. I’m catching up with the Hatchet Triligoy, I really loved the first movie, it was great seeing a kid from the 80’s keeping the old horror movie themes alive and creating such a great new horror character to love. Now this movie is pretty much a rehash of the first movie with some of the original cast, it’s kinda in the similar vein as how Evil Dead 2 was kinda a reinvention of Evil Dead.

THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A bit of black and white with my Sunday roast! Amusing real life story of a German POW who had many great escape attempts.

NIGHT TRAIN MURDERS – missed the end L The DVD I got just stopped playing part way though I’m gonna give it another go but I am so frekked peeved that this isn’t playing!!! It had all the classic styles and themes that a good retro Italian horror needs!! GRRR

 

dont ride the night train

 

THE DEVILS ADVOCATE – I avoided this movie for so long, Keanu has never interested me as an actor and Pacino is a bit samey all the time. It was an okay movie but a bit let down for us occultist.. but… saying that it was like listeing.. to Entombed – Morning Star Album – http://lyrics.rockmagic.net/lyrics/entombed/morning_star_2002.html#s09

THE DEVILS DOUBLE – only watched half  – This was starting to look promising when I dropped off… I shall continue it another day.

Last night’s movies 18-06-13

I really wasn’t taking much in last night, I’m not sure if it was the stormy humid weather or not but nothing was really sinking in.

the-snowtown-murders01

So I tried watching Let Li’s Shaolin Temple (1982) it was okay but nothing like my favourite movie with the same name Shaolin Temple (1979) much better movie, still this one had it’s charms. The shepherdess was actually quite kick ass!

After dinner came Snowtown Murders (2011) A graphic and raw look at the 8 murders that occulted in a small Adelaide town. Reminiscent of lo fi British films like Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) or even some aspects of Gummo (1997) the movie often comes across as a documentary which enhances the brutal and horrific killings.

La Weekend June 1

LA WEEKEND…

Pretty uneventful weekend but one that I spend a lot of time working out and spending time with my mama. I did re discover tales of the unexpected which took up a lot of my time but there is no point in reviewing each one, I might do it season by season.

  • JAWS 2
  • GET  CARTER
  • CABIN IN THE WOODS
  • MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH
  • PROMETHEUS
  • JAWS OF SATAN (COBRA)
  • CREEPSHOW
  • HAMMER OF THE GODS
  • WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
  • THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS
  • REQUIEM FOR A DREAM
  • THE LODGER

JAWS 2 – I always find it odd that they did such an amazingly good job with the first movie but then really make the second look like a fake crap shark!? I worked out why none of the other movies are as good as the first, it’s simply missing Quint! “Here’s to swimming with bow legged women”.

*GET  CARTER – I don’t often watch remakes and this is another reason why! I tried really hard not to swear at my TV during the whole movie.. I gave up after the first 20 minutes.

*CABIN IN THE WOODS

recommended by a good movie buddy Gav(meister), and he’s right it is a good movie, not a GREAT movie but I really did enjoy seeing the hordes of monsters. I was first put off by the sci fi element in a cabin movie but in the end I really enjoyed it.

cabin in the woods

MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH – I never get sick of this movie, it’s a pleasure to watch. Lavish colours, great plot and if you have great DVD controls a dubstepping dwarf.

PROMETHEUS – Mama hadn’t seen this, despite it being in the house for so long, after a long discussion about robots and how they shouldn’t be pricks we eventually watched the film. I do like the film but I get really annoyed that it doesn’t answer any questions.

*JAWS OF SATAN (COBRA) –Oh!! I’ve had this on the to watch list for a week or two.. I was hoping for an old school gem, but instead I got a comedy.. but a few beers and it’s quite enjoyable.

cobra

CREEPSHOW – another film I never tire of even though I know it all off by heart! I wish we could have some more creepshows.. I fear that modern cinema would balls it all up but you gotta keep the dream alive.

*HAMMER OF THE GODS – It was hard watching this because it was so bad but I like to give everything a chance..

hammer of the gosgods

*WHEN THE LIGHTS WENT OUT – I had a lot of expectations for this movie, I was hoping for dodgy retro prints, council fireplaces and things being chucked around the room and it did not fail to supply that, sadly for some reason my end credits were in German!???

*THE BAYTOWN OUTLAWS– One of my little sisters newest all time favourite movies, it’s not Hell Ride BUT it is a brilliant thrill ride!

the-baytown-outlaws

*REQUIEM FOR A DREAM – I think this is on the disturbing list.. not sure why!? It tackles a few difficult subjects but they aren’t anything which isn’t already commonplace? I know it’s hard for some people to look into the lives of addicts but addiction isn’t all that rare. Maybe I’m too hardcore.

*THE LODGER  – urgh I thought this was the Alfred Hitchcock 1920’s movie it has that cover.. but this is the 1940’s movie!!! How do people get away with this. Either way it still tells a creepy story about a mysterious lodger during the Jack the Ripper killing season.

*New Movie

Reviews to come..